Where are my shy-ish Introverts at? I don't know about you but until recent years, the thought of putting myself out there to make new friends was far fetched....not that I didn't want to have more new friends....I just didn't have the energy or strength to develop the friendships, so I thought.
And since I am committed to always being transparent, deep inside there was a part of me that was afraid to try and risk rejection. So I rejected myself on their behalf and avoided the pain of the potential, hypothetical rejection of connection. Instead, I stayed in the back, busy being....blocking all with a shy smile on my face.
The Lord knows the desires of our hearts and meets us where we are, giving us who and what we need for each season.
There were seasons He needed me to focus on friendship with Him above all else, learning to trust, learning who I was in the relationship, learning what I could control and what I couldn't, learning the value I had within me to offer other without fear....so much...
I have been in seasons He was like, "Hey, here's a friend for ya!" and I wasn't even looking!! He's so gracious and knowing. Because I trust Him, I have learned to let my heart open more quickly to the invitation to connect with a new heart. Not to say that they have full access, time reveals that part or permissions, but instead of avoiding them, I embrace them. It has been so much fun to finally coming back out of what has felt like hibernation or the wilderness...I have prayed and asked the Lord to enlarge my circle of trust for mutually connected heart sisters.
If you've ever had one-way friendships, you understand the mutually connected part....I have had both. One way, in that my heart was closed and hiding...one way in that they didn't reciprocate the same way I was giving for whatever reason. Sometimes sessions simply change. Sometimes we can just grow apart or absent-minded and unintentional with our energy and focus.
Mutually connected for me means we have the same desire to serve, show and bless the other. These are much more rare to find. I am so thankful for these few the Lord has blessed me with. We show up consistently randomly. There are no expectations, just desire to be in each other's lives and sharing life together whatever that looks like at any given season of time. Some of these friends are a few times of getting together in a year friendships, but still so rich. Some are online only. Some are from years past, an old friend. Some are in the the every day mix of things, doing life together while others are random life pop ins and spontaneous moments together.
There's no right or wrong way to "friend." As we each play a part in the Body, so do we each in the Heart of one another.
So as I look at the crowded tables, or the tables I don't feel like I am qualified to sit at, I pray and ask God to lead me to the table God has saved a seat for me. I trust Him in this space, taking my eyes off of myself, shifting away from my fears to focus on what He has in store.
Then, I ask Him to help me fill the other seats at the table, unafraid and with eager anticipation for the heart coming to sit beside me and mingle with the Lord and I. Maybe they will be a mutually connected sister-friend. Maybe they are a one way Divine appointment for me to love on for such a time as this alone, or perhaps I am their Divine appointment to receive love from.
It's easy to get caught up thinking we are there to give and seeking ways we can do that, which is great, but one of the lessons I have had to learn, is God also places me at tables from which I am to receive fully, for such a time as this.
Are you ready in heart to look beyond your familiar circles and welcome new hearts to your "friendship table?"
Here are some ways to look for new Christian friendships:
- Be Intentional: Pray, asking God to bring awareness to the ones He has gifted to you. You never know where these friendships will come from. But God does!
- Get Involved: Seek opportunities to surround yourself with other women who have common interests as you, seek friendships from different backgrounds, ages, or life stages. These relationships can broaden your perspective and deepen your faith whether they become part of your very inner circle or otherwise. I recently experienced this and I cherish my new friends so much.
- Practice Hospitality: Open your heart and if possible, your home or a meet up on line or off. Sharing a coffee or attending an event together is a powerful way to make new connections but as an Introvert especially if you lean towards shyness, don't wait around for the invite! BE the invite...even if it's on Zoom! I know it takes more from you if you're an Introvert or kinda on the shy side, but I promise you, the blessing is so good when you push past the blocks.
- Join or Start a Small Group: This provides a structured environment to meet new people and grow together in faith around a topic you are both interested in whether it be online or offline and you don't have to lead it, just join it, until you're ready to create one.
- Volunteer: Serving alongside others often opens doors to meaningful friendships united by a common purpose.
- Be Patient: New friendships take time to develop. Don't rush the process or have set expectations of what the connection will be; allow trust and connection to grow into what God has planned.
- Pray for those Mutual Connections: Ask God to bring people into your life who will mutually encourage and stir up your faith.
Remember, expanding your friendship circle and building a bigger table isn't always easy. It might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first. You might encounter differences in opinions or experiences and that's actually great to learn from others and step outside of our own bubbles. While I look to connect with people who have the same heart as me, I am also looking for others who know more than me and have different experiences and gifting to expand my little world, and sharpen me in places I find I am weaker.
Iron sharpening iron relationships are beautiful especially when they are inside the precious heart connection of Sisters.
As you welcome new friends into your heart, be prepared to both give and receive. You have unique gifts and experiences to offer others. Widening your friendship circle isn't just about personal growth; it's about building The Body of Christ, bringing Him the glory as we shine our Lights as a city on a hill!
Let's pray: Spirit, lead us, help us with courageous steps. Heavenly Father, give us courage to reach out beyond our comfort zones. Help us to see others as You see them, and to build friendships that reflect Your love. May our widening circles of friendship and tables we help build bring glory to Your name. Cast off all fear. Clear the seats set by You and help us partner with You to fill them, welcoming in the heart connections You have prepared for each one present. We trust You. We shine for You. We love You most. Amen.
As you expand your Christian friendships, remember Jesus' words in John 15:12, "Love each other as I have loved you." Let this be the foundation of all your friendships, old and new.
For more in the Sister Series, check out a recent one here.
If you struggle with social courage, I've got you with some practical help here.
Hugs & Love, Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
In life, we are not called to be passive recipients of friendship, but actively engaged with each other in meaningful relationships. We were created for community living. No, it doesn't mean you're out here looking for a whole herd of new friends....all the Introverts can breathe again! I know!!! I am one. We don't need a whole bunch of people in the inner circle of our hearts...but we need some, where 2 or 3 are gathered, including Jesus. So, at least one human!
I believe isolation is a trap of the enemy. We were created as parts of a whole...we need community. Within that community, there will be heart-shaped circles. There can be circles of interest and circles of trust.
Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." God invites us to explore the transformative potential of authentic Christian friendships. Imagine two swords being sharpened against each other. The process isn't always smooth or comfortable, but it's necessary for both to become more effective. We glean from rubbing up against one another, edifying the heart, mind and soul of the person in order to grow, allowing God to chisel, refine, love the other, with His love, through us as His trusted instrument. Cuz really, we are not growing to grow our own Kingdom...we are going to grow His Kingdom come!
Let's talk How To Create circles....
Wisdom and discernment are two ways we create healthy boundaries for circles to be created, and properly cared for.
Circles of interest:
Things we have in common, such a Mom Life, Work or Ministry Life, Hobbies, Community Groups, etc. These circles can be any size.
Circles of trust:
Over the years, wisdom helped me create and cultivate inner circles for trust...the deeper the trust, the closer into the deeper part of my heart they could enter in to where the space is smaller, smaller because it needs greater care, energy, vulnerability, and trust.
How many?!?
There's not an approved number of how many people can be in our closest space. I believe everyone will be different and every season will be different. Ultimately, it is the Lord who brings hearts together, so He will lead us to those Divinely led relationships in His timing, according to His perfect will for them, nd for us.
Real Christian friendships involve mutual growth. It is not selfish or self-seeking.So, how do we nurture these iron-sharpening friendships?
- Cultivate Vulnerability: Open your heart to trusted friends. Share your struggles, doubts, and victories. This vulnerability creates space for genuine connection and growth.
- Practice Active Listening: Really hear your friends. Listen not just to respond, but to understand. This deepens empathy and strengthens bonds.
- Offer Graceful Truth: When you see a friend straying from God's path, speak truth in love. It might be uncomfortable, but it's an act of genuine care.
- Encourage Spiritual Disciplines: Pray together, study Scripture together, serve together. These shared experiences deepen your friendship and your faith.
- Celebrate Growth: Rejoice in each other's spiritual victories, no matter how small. This fosters a positive environment for continued growth.
- Extend Grace: Remember, we're all works in progress. Be quick to forgive and slow to judge.
- Commit to Consistency: Deep friendships aren't built overnight. Regular, intentional time together is crucial.
Remember, the goal isn't perfection, but progress. As you sharpen each other, as His Instruments, you both become more effective tools in God's hands. It's also important to recognize that different friendships may serve different purposes in our lives. Some friends might challenge us intellectually, others emotionally or spiritually. Every person is an appointment in our life and the assignment will become clearer the more you walk together.
As you navigate these friendships, it goes without saying, keep Christ at the center. He is the One who allowed them for such a time as this. He is the ultimate example of a perfect friend – loving unconditionally, speaking truth in love, gentle, kind, hope-filled, faithful, guarding, self-controlled, wise and intentional. This is the kind of friend I want to be too. I am not perfect, no one is, but in prayer nd petition and ll the grace in the world, we are invited to create heart shaped circles in our life!
In cultivating these iron-sharpening, heart-softening friendships, we not only enrich our own lives but also strengthen the body of Christ. As we grow together, we shine God's light in the world around us s one of His Lights to lead and show The Way.
Let's pray: Lord, thank you for the gift of friendship nd ultimately, Yours. Lord, we seek Sisters to do life with. Help us to be friends who sharpen and encourage one another in faith. Guide our words and actions to reflect Your love. May we be a sweet aroma to You as we stir one another's heats in Your Name. Because of Your Sweetest of Love, Amen.
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.””
1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV
The company we keep is crucial on the path we walk in life. The apostle Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 15:33 ring true today: "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.'" This wisdom invites us to reflect on the influences in our lives and how they shape our walk with God.Imagine your life as a garden. Each relationship you nurture is a plant in this garden.
Some relationships are like vibrant flowers, bringing beauty and joy into the view of our days. Others might be like sturdy trees, offering support and shelter. However – some can be weeds, threatening to choke out the good growth.
So how do we cultivate a garden that glorifies God? We must be intentional about the relationships we nurture, being careful of not cultivating a garden of weeds. Every plant has it's own planned purpose, producing blooms or fruits. As we grow in years, our ability to identify weeds from blossoms become more clear. We no longer tolerate the mess of weeds because we know how quickly they spread and choke out all that is good. We understand the blossom of a weed is not the same as the blossom of a flowering plant of produce.
Ask yourself:
Do my friends draw me closer to Christ or pull me away?
Do they encourage my faith or challenge it negatively?
The answer to these questions can help you discern which relationships to invest in deeply.
Remember, not everyone who enters your life is meant to stay forever. Some are seasonal, bringing specific lessons or experiences. Others are perennial, growing alongside you through various seasons of life.
Pray for discernment to recognize the role each person plays in your spiritual journey. As you evaluate your relationships, don't be discouraged if you find some that don't align with your faith goals. Instead, see it as an opportunity for growth as you establish boundaries that create health borders around your "flower beds" of relationships. Perhaps God is calling you to be a blossom in someone's life, or maybe He's prompting you to seek out new, uplifting friendships to invite into your own garden.
Cultivating godly friendships as an adult isn't always easy, but it's worth the effort. Wisdom and discernment are two foundational ways we create new connections with others. Praying, asking God to show us who He has planned for us to connect with, doing our part to be authentically ourself in order to create other authentic connections. It's so important we show up as we are in order for others to see us for who we are, not who we wish to be or used to be.
These relationships can be a source of encouragement, accountability, and spiritual growth. They can challenge you to dive deeper into God's Word, pray more fervently, and live out your faith more boldly.
As you tend to your garden of relationships, remember that Jesus is the master gardener. He knows exactly what your soul needs to flourish. Trust Him to guide you, prune what's necessary, and help new, life-giving relationships bloom.
Let's pray: Lord, grant us wisdom in our friendships. Help us cultivate relationships that draw us closer to You and reflect Your love to others. Give us Your eyes to see who You have brought into our Garden. Help us grow in our authentic blooms so we can share from a pure heart and mind, that others may see the awesomeness of You are our Creator, Healer and King. You are the Master Gardner and we trust Your pruning and planting. In Your Son's Amazing Name, Amen.
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
Have you noticed how we can become blind to the familiar, such as staring through a dirty window without realizing it? This same principle often applies to our spiritual lives, physical bodies, and thought patterns. Gradual neglect can lead to a build-up of "dirt" that clouds our vision and hinders our ability to see God's beauty and truth clearly.
Much like cleaning a long-neglected window, addressing the issues that obstruct our spiritual vision requires effort, honesty, and humility. God provides us with moments of clarity through sermons, conversations, worship songs, and reflection, offering opportunities for the Holy Spirit to work within us. By embracing these moments, we can clear away the obstacles obstructing His light.
Maintaining spiritual clarity involves cultivating daily habits of prayer, Bible study, and self-reflection, akin to the regular maintenance of a clean window. By staying vigilant and checking for anything that obscures our view of God's truth and beauty, we allow His light to shine more brightly in our lives. As we clear away these hindrances, we can fully appreciate God's presence and understand His Word more deeply.
Read more...
Staying Connected: Tips for Maintaining a Strong Parent-Child Relationship
Sending your child off to college is a major life transition for both parents and students. While it’s an exciting time filled with new opportunities and experiences, it can also bring feelings of separation and anxiety. Maintaining a strong parent-child relationship during this period is crucial for emotional support and mutual understanding.
Here are some practical tips to help you stay connected literally and emotionally with your college student....
Establish Clear Communication
1. Set Expectations Early: Before your child leaves for college, have an open discussion about how often and through which means you will communicate. Some students might prefer daily check-ins, while others may be comfortable with weekly updates. No child is the same so don't compare to one of the siblings, what the routine ws in high school, or what other parents are doing. This is between YOU & YOUR TEEN.
2. Use Multiple Platforms: Be open to the use of various communication tools such as texting, calling, video chats, and social media. Each platform offers different advantages, from quick updates to more in-depth conversations. Tech is always changing and our teens are on the cutting edge of it all....you may be learning new things every semester!
3. Respect Their Schedule: Be mindful of your child's class schedule, study times, and social activities. Give them space and grace to get back to you. Avoid calling or texting during known busy periods to prevent disruptions. Be sure to also let them know yours so they know when it's best to catch up!
Create a Routine
4. Schedule Regular Check-ins: Establish a routine for regular check-ins, whether it’s a weekly phone call, a Sunday night video chat, or a daily text message. In the beginning, consistency helps in maintaining a steady connection if they are needing that with you. Don't be alarmed if they say once a week or less...but be honest if you are needing assurance in the beginning months to just hear from them and know they are okay.
5. Share Family Updates: Keep your child informed about family news and events. This helps them feel included and connected to home even when they are far away. We created a Family Chat and Shared Album through our iPhones to stay connected with all 4 kids. Now we have a family snap chat....not my favorite but it's where they are, so I am too!
Offer Support and Encouragement
6. Be a Good Listener: When your child shares their experiences, listen fully without immediately offering solutions or judgments. Sometimes they just need to vent or talk things through. They will stop communicating if they feel a lecture or a big conversation is going to happen every time.
7. Provide Emotional Support: College is stressful. Offer words of encouragement, and remind your child that it's okay to ask for help, whether from you, friends, or campus resources. Occasionally text Scriptures throughout the week without asking any questions. Offer to pray with them on the phone.
8. Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate their successes, no matter how small. Whether it’s a good grade, joining a club, or making new friends, positive reinforcement goes a long way.
Encourage Independence
9. Encourage Problem-Solving: Support your child in developing their problem-solving skills by encouraging them to find solutions independently. Do your best to facilitate the questions that lead them to the right place. This fosters confidence and self-reliance. Plus, as it goes with college, they have access to Advisors and Teachers who are there to support the students when it comes to classroom, schedule and campus questions.
10. Respect Their Independence: Give your child the space to grow and make their own decisions. Trust that they are capable of managing their new responsibilities. You may not always understand them or agree, but showing your support with your valued opinions and praying with them, and for them, is valuable.
Stay Involved
11. Visit When Possible: If able, help them with hometown visits as you also plan occasional visits to their college. Attend family weekends, sports events, or other activities where parents are welcome. Just make sure these visits are welcome and don’t intrude on their new life.
12. Send Care Packages: Everyone loves a surprise! Sending a care package with their favorite snacks, a handwritten note, or small essentials can brighten their day and show that you’re thinking of them. As long as you have their address, most dorms allow deliveries from Vendors and Amazon.
Make Time for Personal Interaction
13. Plan Family Events: Coordinate family events during breaks or long weekends. Whether it’s a short trip, a holiday gathering, or just a weekend at home, these moments are invaluable for reconnecting, even if it's a Zoom Party.
14. Engage in Shared Interests: Find common interests that you can share from a distance. Watch the same TV shows, read the same books, or follow the same sports teams. These shared experiences can be great conversation starters, ice breakers and connection places as you both establish new routines and hobbies.
Embrace Technology
15. Use Apps to Stay Connected: There are many apps designed to help families stay in touch. From group chats to shared calendars, find what works best for you and your child.
16. Virtual Activities: Engage in virtual activities together, such as online games, virtual movie nights, or even video call dinners. These activities can create a sense of togetherness despite the physical distance.
Be Patient and Understanding
17. Accept Changes: College is a transformative time. Your child will grow and change, and so will your relationship. Be open to this evolution and adapt your communication style as needed, helping them stay focused on Matthew 6:33, seeking God first always!
18. Give Them Time: There will be periods when your child might be too busy or stressed to communicate frequently. Be patient and understanding during these times, knowing that your support is always there when they need it.
Just as with any relationship, respect and boundaries go a long way! Maintaining a strong parent-child relationship during the college years takes effort, but it’s crucial to remain calm through it all. By staying connected, offering support, and respecting their independence, you can ensure that your bond remains strong and continues to grow even as they (and you!) embark on this new chapter in life.
*If you are reading this and your kiddo is still in high school, implementing some of these healthy habits and processes is beneficial for both you and them. 18 years of living in the same space, hearing each other's voice every day and helping one another creates a void when they move out, which is why this is such a bittersweet time for everyone in the family. Younger siblings will grieve in their own way too, so be mindful of them throughout this life transition.
I pray this is full of helpful resources for you.
Blessings Mama,
Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
