Where are my shy-ish Introverts at? I don't know about you but until recent years, the thought of putting myself out there to make new friends was far fetched....not that I didn't want to have more new friends....I just didn't have the energy or strength to develop the friendships, so I thought.
And since I am committed to always being transparent, deep inside there was a part of me that was afraid to try and risk rejection. So I rejected myself on their behalf and avoided the pain of the potential, hypothetical rejection of connection. Instead, I stayed in the back, busy being....blocking all with a shy smile on my face.
The Lord knows the desires of our hearts and meets us where we are, giving us who and what we need for each season.
There were seasons He needed me to focus on friendship with Him above all else, learning to trust, learning who I was in the relationship, learning what I could control and what I couldn't, learning the value I had within me to offer other without fear....so much...
I have been in seasons He was like, "Hey, here's a friend for ya!" and I wasn't even looking!! He's so gracious and knowing. Because I trust Him, I have learned to let my heart open more quickly to the invitation to connect with a new heart. Not to say that they have full access, time reveals that part or permissions, but instead of avoiding them, I embrace them. It has been so much fun to finally coming back out of what has felt like hibernation or the wilderness...I have prayed and asked the Lord to enlarge my circle of trust for mutually connected heart sisters.
If you've ever had one-way friendships, you understand the mutually connected part....I have had both. One way, in that my heart was closed and hiding...one way in that they didn't reciprocate the same way I was giving for whatever reason. Sometimes sessions simply change. Sometimes we can just grow apart or absent-minded and unintentional with our energy and focus.
Mutually connected for me means we have the same desire to serve, show and bless the other. These are much more rare to find. I am so thankful for these few the Lord has blessed me with. We show up consistently randomly. There are no expectations, just desire to be in each other's lives and sharing life together whatever that looks like at any given season of time. Some of these friends are a few times of getting together in a year friendships, but still so rich. Some are online only. Some are from years past, an old friend. Some are in the the every day mix of things, doing life together while others are random life pop ins and spontaneous moments together.
There's no right or wrong way to "friend." As we each play a part in the Body, so do we each in the Heart of one another.
So as I look at the crowded tables, or the tables I don't feel like I am qualified to sit at, I pray and ask God to lead me to the table God has saved a seat for me. I trust Him in this space, taking my eyes off of myself, shifting away from my fears to focus on what He has in store.
Then, I ask Him to help me fill the other seats at the table, unafraid and with eager anticipation for the heart coming to sit beside me and mingle with the Lord and I. Maybe they will be a mutually connected sister-friend. Maybe they are a one way Divine appointment for me to love on for such a time as this alone, or perhaps I am their Divine appointment to receive love from.
It's easy to get caught up thinking we are there to give and seeking ways we can do that, which is great, but one of the lessons I have had to learn, is God also places me at tables from which I am to receive fully, for such a time as this.
Are you ready in heart to look beyond your familiar circles and welcome new hearts to your "friendship table?"
Here are some ways to look for new Christian friendships:
- Be Intentional: Pray, asking God to bring awareness to the ones He has gifted to you. You never know where these friendships will come from. But God does!
- Get Involved: Seek opportunities to surround yourself with other women who have common interests as you, seek friendships from different backgrounds, ages, or life stages. These relationships can broaden your perspective and deepen your faith whether they become part of your very inner circle or otherwise. I recently experienced this and I cherish my new friends so much.
- Practice Hospitality: Open your heart and if possible, your home or a meet up on line or off. Sharing a coffee or attending an event together is a powerful way to make new connections but as an Introvert especially if you lean towards shyness, don't wait around for the invite! BE the invite...even if it's on Zoom! I know it takes more from you if you're an Introvert or kinda on the shy side, but I promise you, the blessing is so good when you push past the blocks.
- Join or Start a Small Group: This provides a structured environment to meet new people and grow together in faith around a topic you are both interested in whether it be online or offline and you don't have to lead it, just join it, until you're ready to create one.
- Volunteer: Serving alongside others often opens doors to meaningful friendships united by a common purpose.
- Be Patient: New friendships take time to develop. Don't rush the process or have set expectations of what the connection will be; allow trust and connection to grow into what God has planned.
- Pray for those Mutual Connections: Ask God to bring people into your life who will mutually encourage and stir up your faith.
Remember, expanding your friendship circle and building a bigger table isn't always easy. It might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first. You might encounter differences in opinions or experiences and that's actually great to learn from others and step outside of our own bubbles. While I look to connect with people who have the same heart as me, I am also looking for others who know more than me and have different experiences and gifting to expand my little world, and sharpen me in places I find I am weaker.
Iron sharpening iron relationships are beautiful especially when they are inside the precious heart connection of Sisters.
As you welcome new friends into your heart, be prepared to both give and receive. You have unique gifts and experiences to offer others. Widening your friendship circle isn't just about personal growth; it's about building The Body of Christ, bringing Him the glory as we shine our Lights as a city on a hill!
Let's pray: Spirit, lead us, help us with courageous steps. Heavenly Father, give us courage to reach out beyond our comfort zones. Help us to see others as You see them, and to build friendships that reflect Your love. May our widening circles of friendship and tables we help build bring glory to Your name. Cast off all fear. Clear the seats set by You and help us partner with You to fill them, welcoming in the heart connections You have prepared for each one present. We trust You. We shine for You. We love You most. Amen.
As you expand your Christian friendships, remember Jesus' words in John 15:12, "Love each other as I have loved you." Let this be the foundation of all your friendships, old and new.
For more in the Sister Series, check out a recent one here.
If you struggle with social courage, I've got you with some practical help here.
Hugs & Love, Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
Let's Talk about stepping outside of our comfort zone as a shy Christian Introvert while navigating social Interactions. I've talked about Overcoming Social Anxiety over here in this blog so feel free to hop over there afterwards if that's something you've struggled with too...
Today, lets talk about talking to anyone, anytime and how to overcome this freak out moment we feel the moments we walk into a new space and feel overwhelmed, whether it's running into a neighbor, sitting next to a stranger and trying to not make eye contact, or attending events knowing you will be meeting people since it's....an....event! LOL (The blog mentioned above will deep dive into that for ya!)
I think most Introvert women don't find it extremely hard to talk to people, because we already choose to talk to a few people at a time anyway, AND those few people are usually, OUR people. It's when we get outside of our comfortzones and have to manage the anxiety that comes with unprepared conversations!!
This used to trigger me so much I would never go to social events alone, always hiding behind my extrovert friend....and forever, not making eye contact in order to avoid being called on in a group setting, or engaging in the small talk of meeting someone. Cuz you think it makes you invisible...haha, not so! They will just yell your name louder or walk straight up to your face and start talking! It's best to look up, just saying!
I don't know what's scarier, a big group setting or a small group. In big group, you can more easily camouflage in whereas the smaller groups, they can look you in the eye and start talking to you! EEK!!! It's not that we don't LOVE the people, its the trigger of sheer panic in the unknown of what's about to happen!
What will they ask me...What will I say when they ask whatever...Will I look stupid....Will I fumble my words...Will I forget my words...Will I have a piece of salad in my teeth from the dinner... Will they ignore me, make fun of me, see my insecurities....Will they reject me and exclude me from that point on from anything qualifying me as their friend or partner, or whatever the circumstance.
Just the thought of going to a new place alone would raise the panic into the Numb-Zone or Robot-Zone. If you've had panic and anxiety, you likely know the feeling of auto-pilot, avoidance, out of body experiencing of the moment, grasping for breath and control....controlling of your thoughts zinging all around in your head, your heart rate running on a treadmill and not stepping off any time soon, all the while smiling and listening to the actual conversation happening, not the one you are thinking COULD happen, or may be happening between the words layered on the ACTUAL one....oh boy what a spastic space!
Instead of completely avoiding, numbing, or anxiety amnesia and have no clue what happened, I would love to help you find some PEACE & JOY and STOP panicking when you talk to someone. It's gonna take being intentional with your energy and focus...and practice for your heart and brain to learn where it is safe. So, lets talk about the 3 things you can do to talk to others rooted in LOVE and not FEAR! By combining practical tips with the wisdom of scriptures, any shy girl can find courage! I SURE HAVE and let me tell you....it will change every part of your life, most importantly your relationships and even more precious, your relationship with Your Heavenly Father! Ohhh, it's gooooood. I am so excited for you!!
Tip 1: Prayerful Preparation
One of key things for overcoming anxiety is preparation. Before entering any social setting, PRAY and step into Grace the won't let you go! Take a minute and consider that GOD has not only pinned this day for you, but He is also with you. He also has not only equipped you for this encounter, but He is WITH you in it too!!! When we remember the Foundation we stand on, the presence He promises, when we turn our eyes on His purposes (I talked about this in the above blog), we can step into the unknown knowing we re not alone nd there is nothing we cannot handle with Him beside us.
Don't mistake nerves for fear. It's okay to be a little nervous, it IS the unknown. It helps me lean more onto God for His help with words, energy, focus, purpose, comfort, wisdom, discernment. As I prepare, I am entering into worship of praise. Praise and Worship move the focus off of me and fretting about all I am not, and instead, focus on all GOD IS!
So, deep breath and lean into Philippians 4:6-8, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.Think on these things..." the are GOOD!
Tip 2: Listening with Love
Instead of dwelling on the fear of saying the wrong thing, or wondering what they are thinking, shift your focus to genuine listening. Proverbs 2:2-5 encourages us to "turn your ear to wisdom and apply your heart to understanding." By actively listening, you not only connect with others on a deeper level but also alleviate the pressure of constant talking.
Most people enjoy talking about themselves and I found this to be a great way to deflect from myself having to talk, and risk being judged. Sadly, while this helped me be a great listener, I became a good stuffer, hiding my own thoughts and feelings to feel safe and unseen. Learning to listen with a filter of Love means genuine exchange, giving and receiving between each one, including YOU!
Tip 3: Anticipation not Anxious
Scripture emphasizes the importance of fixing our eyes on Jesus during challenging times. Hebrews 12:2 encourages us to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the perfecter of faith." When we recognize that our racing heart and lump in our throat can come from sheer panic as well as extreme joy, as I sit in worship, sit in Love, I can reframe my brain to seek anticipation of something amazing about to connect between us. I consider what if I am being sent by God to be His hands and feet, His heart hug to this person. What a humbling thought to consider, being a vessel of hope and love to someone else in Jesus Name.
As Christ followers, this is our purpose! We bridge gaps of Heaven and Earth with Love. If we surrender our hearts nd minds to God, He can more feely move through us. It is a wondrous freedom!! Fear submits to faith and faith leads us into Love where we find joy and peace, courage and confidence. Its exciting to believe you are sent.
Does that mean awareness doesn't happen? Does that mean every conversation will be flowing and memorable, profound and life altering for you or them? No. Let go of the pressure of any outcome!
This should be BONUS TIP #4! JUST SHOW UP, willing, available, courageous and prepared to see something new because you know, He's renewing our minds and always doing a new thing! His mercies are new every single morning. He can do immeasurably more than we can ever think or imagine!
Be patient and practice!!! Focus on Love, not loss...fear what blessing you'll miss rather than what you'll mess up! His heart is for you and is near! Grace upon Grace!!! Jesus is your Guide, Way, Words, Strength, Support, Courage, Peace and very breath. Give Him your breath.
He's got you!!! Keep your eyes open for the women and Mentors He will place in your path to sharpen your iron. They will lift you through their example and affirmations, prayers. Learn from them. Humble yourself, admit where you are feeling weak and let them step into courage with you!! It's a powerful and beautiful learning and rising up to the Glory and Grace of God!!
He's Got You...They've Got You...and I've got you too! I will be hosting workshops and challenges in my Sister Group (ButGodSisterSquad.com) to help you practice these things but in your every day life, pray and practice! There are no do overs in life. LIVE IT!!!!!! A 7 Day Love Others Challenge is happening in there already!
So much anticipation & love for you!
Your Fellow Shy Introvert,
Michele
Hey - If you haven't seen my list of tons of ways you share love with others, grab it here! LoveForAll.MicheleDickerson.com
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
I enjoyed a great conversation today around Boundaries and of course, brought me straight into Sharing. We don't talk enough about the importance of establishing boundaries in our lives is. In a world that constantly demands our attention and energy, maintaining a healthy balance can be challenging but it's necessary for our health in body, mind and spirit. Boundaries are not just for when days are difficult....they help us in our every day well-being.
- Prioritize Spiritual Well-being: One of the fundamental reasons for setting boundaries is to prioritize our spiritual well-being. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to lose sight of our relationship with God. Establishing boundaries allows us to create sacred space for prayer, meditation, and communion with God. By creating guidelines for our time with the Lord and making it a top priority, we then can guard our gates and are more likely to remain in the pasture God has us.
- Protect Emotional Health: Boundaries act as safeguards for our emotional health. As Christians, we are called to love and serve others, but it's essential to recognize when our emotional well-being is shifting outside of His provisions. Learning to say 'no' when necessary and establishing limits help prevent burnout and ensure that we maintain a healthy balance between selflessness and self-care. By prioritizing emotional health, we can better fulfill our calling to love others as ourselves.
- Align Boundaries with Biblical Principles: Christ-centered boundaries are firmly rooted in biblical principles. As we set boundaries, it's crucial to align them with the teachings of the Bible. Reflect on scriptures that guide us in maintaining healthy relationships, managing our time wisely, and honoring our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit. By setting our boundaries in God's Word, we ensure that they reflect His divine wisdom and contribute to our overall well-being.
Setting Christ-centered boundaries is not a sign of weakness but a testimony to our commitment of living a balanced life. As your Big Sis in the faith, I encourage you to prioritize your spiritual well-being, protect your emotional health, and align your boundaries with Biblical principles. In doing so, you'll discover peace, purpose, and freedom in your every day.
Sister, you are free indeed!!! God has boundaries, so can you!! If you are an Introvert who LOVES people and you enjoy this topic on boundaries....here's a video I just did!!
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
In a world that seems to favor extroverts, being a shy Christian introvert can be challenging. However, confidence is a trait that can be grown by drawing closer to our faith. Grounding ourselves in our beliefs and surrendering our fears and anxieties to God can help remove the burden of others' opinions. It's also important to develop social skills at our own pace, taking small steps outside our comfort zones and celebrating our unique gifts and talents. By doing so, we can cultivate the confidence needed to navigate the world with authenticity and embrace our personal growth journey.
Read more...Authentic Connections: Trusting God, Overcoming Shyness, and Building Friendships – as an Introver
Wishing you had more friends? Feeling shy? Wishing you had more energy to have more friends? Wishing you felt like one of the cool kids too?!?
Insecurity is a thief! Shyness and insecurity robs us of joy, confidence, and the ability to have meaningful connections with others. This is especially hard when you are an Introvert, and even more so if you have dealt with anxiety. It takes real energy to put ourselves out there!
The fear of being judged, the fear of rejection and the constant comparison to others is exhausting! It leaves us paralyzed, hesitant to trust ourselves and, more importantly, hesitant to trust others. And let's get really real...when we don’t really like who we are, we assume others won’t either.
There's the bottom line of it all!! FEAR!!!
But God! We were created as a precious and important part of The Body. We need others in our life. How else will Titus 2 happen? How else will we mentor others and Go Therefore to disciple others?!? It begins with the hearts closest to you. For me, the key to making real friends and breaking free from "friendship-insecurity" was when I focused on trusting God’s heart first, to lead me to others He had prepared for me.
At the core, I think most of us who are shy or struggle with insecurity, need to look at our lack of trust—trust in ourselves, trust in others, and trust in God. When we anchor our trust in God, we build confidence and can embrace vulnerability with others. I knew I was a good friend to others...loyal and trustworthy. I just had a hard time sharing my own heart, out of fear.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Taking small, intentional steps toward vulnerability and openness feels scary but again, if we place our trust in God first, seek Him first, we can start practicing our vulnerability with Him which will help us do the same with others. The first friend you should have, after Jesus, of course, is yourself. I know that sounds weird and hard to do but it’s necessary!
I know! You don’t really like too much but that’s because you’ve listened too long to what the enemy has told you. You’re pretty cool actually and when you find your friend group, you’re gonna light up inside and feel blessed. You won’t feel the need to hide or filter your thoughts. That feels so good! Trust me!
Here are a few things to get started:
- Prayerful Reflection: Begin by seeking God. Ask for wisdom and discernment in understanding your own insecurities and how they impact your relationships.
- Scriptural Assurance: Trust God’s Word over you. Understanding that you are loved, valued, and protected. Lean into His friendship first.
- Community: Surrounding yourself with like-minded people can provide encouragement and accountability. Practice sharing your opinions and talents with a small group and allow God to expand your boundaries of friendships one person at a time.
As you begin to open up to others, here are some practical steps to develop trust with others:
- Invite God: Invite God into the relationship, whether it’s working, friends or intimate, inviting God to be part of the cord of three strands not easily broken is crucial for alignment and building trust.
- Open Communication: Share your thoughts and feelings with others, and encourage them to do the same. Transparency builds trust. Remember it should be 2 ways!
- Forgiveness: Understand none of us are perfect and misunderstandings will happen. Embrace a spirit of forgiveness, recognizing that forgiveness is a gift to yourself as much as it is to others. It allows relationships to heal and flourish.
- Celebrate Each Other's Journey: Instead of comparison, celebrate each of your unique journeys. Recognize that everyone has their own struggles and triumphs. You may be someone's answered prayer in friendship! Ever thought of that!?!
Breaking free from insecurity is a process. It's a personal development journey for sure! This all begins with trust— trusting God, trusting ourselves, and trusting others. By anchoring our relationships in the unwavering love of our Creator, we pave the way for meaningful, authentic connections.
With God as our BFF, we can overcome insecurities and experience the richness of genuine relationships.
It’s worth the time and energy to do the work necessary to open your heart! As an Introvert, you likely don’t want or need a ton of friends and that’s okay! But we do need some to do life with. Pray for those iron sharpeners whom you can trust with your heart and watch your heart overflow and wash away shyness one heart hug at a time!
I am excited to be your friend!! If you are looking for a group of other shy Sisters, meet us over in the ButGodSisterSquad.com
Big Heart Hugs,
Your New Friend,
Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
