Where are my shy-ish Introverts at? I don't know about you but until recent years, the thought of putting myself out there to make new friends was far fetched....not that I didn't want to have more new friends....I just didn't have the energy or strength to develop the friendships, so I thought.
And since I am committed to always being transparent, deep inside there was a part of me that was afraid to try and risk rejection. So I rejected myself on their behalf and avoided the pain of the potential, hypothetical rejection of connection. Instead, I stayed in the back, busy being....blocking all with a shy smile on my face.
The Lord knows the desires of our hearts and meets us where we are, giving us who and what we need for each season.
There were seasons He needed me to focus on friendship with Him above all else, learning to trust, learning who I was in the relationship, learning what I could control and what I couldn't, learning the value I had within me to offer other without fear....so much...
I have been in seasons He was like, "Hey, here's a friend for ya!" and I wasn't even looking!! He's so gracious and knowing. Because I trust Him, I have learned to let my heart open more quickly to the invitation to connect with a new heart. Not to say that they have full access, time reveals that part or permissions, but instead of avoiding them, I embrace them. It has been so much fun to finally coming back out of what has felt like hibernation or the wilderness...I have prayed and asked the Lord to enlarge my circle of trust for mutually connected heart sisters.
If you've ever had one-way friendships, you understand the mutually connected part....I have had both. One way, in that my heart was closed and hiding...one way in that they didn't reciprocate the same way I was giving for whatever reason. Sometimes sessions simply change. Sometimes we can just grow apart or absent-minded and unintentional with our energy and focus.
Mutually connected for me means we have the same desire to serve, show and bless the other. These are much more rare to find. I am so thankful for these few the Lord has blessed me with. We show up consistently randomly. There are no expectations, just desire to be in each other's lives and sharing life together whatever that looks like at any given season of time. Some of these friends are a few times of getting together in a year friendships, but still so rich. Some are online only. Some are from years past, an old friend. Some are in the the every day mix of things, doing life together while others are random life pop ins and spontaneous moments together.
There's no right or wrong way to "friend." As we each play a part in the Body, so do we each in the Heart of one another.
So as I look at the crowded tables, or the tables I don't feel like I am qualified to sit at, I pray and ask God to lead me to the table God has saved a seat for me. I trust Him in this space, taking my eyes off of myself, shifting away from my fears to focus on what He has in store.
Then, I ask Him to help me fill the other seats at the table, unafraid and with eager anticipation for the heart coming to sit beside me and mingle with the Lord and I. Maybe they will be a mutually connected sister-friend. Maybe they are a one way Divine appointment for me to love on for such a time as this alone, or perhaps I am their Divine appointment to receive love from.
It's easy to get caught up thinking we are there to give and seeking ways we can do that, which is great, but one of the lessons I have had to learn, is God also places me at tables from which I am to receive fully, for such a time as this.
Are you ready in heart to look beyond your familiar circles and welcome new hearts to your "friendship table?"
Here are some ways to look for new Christian friendships:
- Be Intentional: Pray, asking God to bring awareness to the ones He has gifted to you. You never know where these friendships will come from. But God does!
- Get Involved: Seek opportunities to surround yourself with other women who have common interests as you, seek friendships from different backgrounds, ages, or life stages. These relationships can broaden your perspective and deepen your faith whether they become part of your very inner circle or otherwise. I recently experienced this and I cherish my new friends so much.
- Practice Hospitality: Open your heart and if possible, your home or a meet up on line or off. Sharing a coffee or attending an event together is a powerful way to make new connections but as an Introvert especially if you lean towards shyness, don't wait around for the invite! BE the invite...even if it's on Zoom! I know it takes more from you if you're an Introvert or kinda on the shy side, but I promise you, the blessing is so good when you push past the blocks.
- Join or Start a Small Group: This provides a structured environment to meet new people and grow together in faith around a topic you are both interested in whether it be online or offline and you don't have to lead it, just join it, until you're ready to create one.
- Volunteer: Serving alongside others often opens doors to meaningful friendships united by a common purpose.
- Be Patient: New friendships take time to develop. Don't rush the process or have set expectations of what the connection will be; allow trust and connection to grow into what God has planned.
- Pray for those Mutual Connections: Ask God to bring people into your life who will mutually encourage and stir up your faith.
Remember, expanding your friendship circle and building a bigger table isn't always easy. It might feel awkward or uncomfortable at first. You might encounter differences in opinions or experiences and that's actually great to learn from others and step outside of our own bubbles. While I look to connect with people who have the same heart as me, I am also looking for others who know more than me and have different experiences and gifting to expand my little world, and sharpen me in places I find I am weaker.
Iron sharpening iron relationships are beautiful especially when they are inside the precious heart connection of Sisters.
As you welcome new friends into your heart, be prepared to both give and receive. You have unique gifts and experiences to offer others. Widening your friendship circle isn't just about personal growth; it's about building The Body of Christ, bringing Him the glory as we shine our Lights as a city on a hill!
Let's pray: Spirit, lead us, help us with courageous steps. Heavenly Father, give us courage to reach out beyond our comfort zones. Help us to see others as You see them, and to build friendships that reflect Your love. May our widening circles of friendship and tables we help build bring glory to Your name. Cast off all fear. Clear the seats set by You and help us partner with You to fill them, welcoming in the heart connections You have prepared for each one present. We trust You. We shine for You. We love You most. Amen.
As you expand your Christian friendships, remember Jesus' words in John 15:12, "Love each other as I have loved you." Let this be the foundation of all your friendships, old and new.
For more in the Sister Series, check out a recent one here.
If you struggle with social courage, I've got you with some practical help here.
Hugs & Love, Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
We are placed here as Light Houses of faith, to guide and direct others towards Jesus! It's not easy to stand alone on the shores, but in the darkness is where we shine brightest. I know that sounds intimidating as a shy heart, perhaps you have been struggling with insecurity wondering if you were enough to lead or show up in such a way. The answer is YES!
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