Let's Talk about stepping outside of our comfort zone as a shy Christian Introvert while navigating social Interactions. I've talked about Overcoming Social Anxiety over here in this blog so feel free to hop over there afterwards if that's something you've struggled with too...
Today, lets talk about talking to anyone, anytime and how to overcome this freak out moment we feel the moments we walk into a new space and feel overwhelmed, whether it's running into a neighbor, sitting next to a stranger and trying to not make eye contact, or attending events knowing you will be meeting people since it's....an....event! LOL (The blog mentioned above will deep dive into that for ya!)
I think most Introvert women don't find it extremely hard to talk to people, because we already choose to talk to a few people at a time anyway, AND those few people are usually, OUR people. It's when we get outside of our comfortzones and have to manage the anxiety that comes with unprepared conversations!!
This used to trigger me so much I would never go to social events alone, always hiding behind my extrovert friend....and forever, not making eye contact in order to avoid being called on in a group setting, or engaging in the small talk of meeting someone. Cuz you think it makes you invisible...haha, not so! They will just yell your name louder or walk straight up to your face and start talking! It's best to look up, just saying!
I don't know what's scarier, a big group setting or a small group. In big group, you can more easily camouflage in whereas the smaller groups, they can look you in the eye and start talking to you! EEK!!! It's not that we don't LOVE the people, its the trigger of sheer panic in the unknown of what's about to happen!
What will they ask me...What will I say when they ask whatever...Will I look stupid....Will I fumble my words...Will I forget my words...Will I have a piece of salad in my teeth from the dinner... Will they ignore me, make fun of me, see my insecurities....Will they reject me and exclude me from that point on from anything qualifying me as their friend or partner, or whatever the circumstance.
Just the thought of going to a new place alone would raise the panic into the Numb-Zone or Robot-Zone. If you've had panic and anxiety, you likely know the feeling of auto-pilot, avoidance, out of body experiencing of the moment, grasping for breath and control....controlling of your thoughts zinging all around in your head, your heart rate running on a treadmill and not stepping off any time soon, all the while smiling and listening to the actual conversation happening, not the one you are thinking COULD happen, or may be happening between the words layered on the ACTUAL one....oh boy what a spastic space!
Instead of completely avoiding, numbing, or anxiety amnesia and have no clue what happened, I would love to help you find some PEACE & JOY and STOP panicking when you talk to someone. It's gonna take being intentional with your energy and focus...and practice for your heart and brain to learn where it is safe. So, lets talk about the 3 things you can do to talk to others rooted in LOVE and not FEAR! By combining practical tips with the wisdom of scriptures, any shy girl can find courage! I SURE HAVE and let me tell you....it will change every part of your life, most importantly your relationships and even more precious, your relationship with Your Heavenly Father! Ohhh, it's gooooood. I am so excited for you!!
Tip 1: Prayerful Preparation
One of key things for overcoming anxiety is preparation. Before entering any social setting, PRAY and step into Grace the won't let you go! Take a minute and consider that GOD has not only pinned this day for you, but He is also with you. He also has not only equipped you for this encounter, but He is WITH you in it too!!! When we remember the Foundation we stand on, the presence He promises, when we turn our eyes on His purposes (I talked about this in the above blog), we can step into the unknown knowing we re not alone nd there is nothing we cannot handle with Him beside us.
Don't mistake nerves for fear. It's okay to be a little nervous, it IS the unknown. It helps me lean more onto God for His help with words, energy, focus, purpose, comfort, wisdom, discernment. As I prepare, I am entering into worship of praise. Praise and Worship move the focus off of me and fretting about all I am not, and instead, focus on all GOD IS!
So, deep breath and lean into Philippians 4:6-8, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.Think on these things..." the are GOOD!
Tip 2: Listening with Love
Instead of dwelling on the fear of saying the wrong thing, or wondering what they are thinking, shift your focus to genuine listening. Proverbs 2:2-5 encourages us to "turn your ear to wisdom and apply your heart to understanding." By actively listening, you not only connect with others on a deeper level but also alleviate the pressure of constant talking.
Most people enjoy talking about themselves and I found this to be a great way to deflect from myself having to talk, and risk being judged. Sadly, while this helped me be a great listener, I became a good stuffer, hiding my own thoughts and feelings to feel safe and unseen. Learning to listen with a filter of Love means genuine exchange, giving and receiving between each one, including YOU!
Tip 3: Anticipation not Anxious
Scripture emphasizes the importance of fixing our eyes on Jesus during challenging times. Hebrews 12:2 encourages us to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the perfecter of faith." When we recognize that our racing heart and lump in our throat can come from sheer panic as well as extreme joy, as I sit in worship, sit in Love, I can reframe my brain to seek anticipation of something amazing about to connect between us. I consider what if I am being sent by God to be His hands and feet, His heart hug to this person. What a humbling thought to consider, being a vessel of hope and love to someone else in Jesus Name.
As Christ followers, this is our purpose! We bridge gaps of Heaven and Earth with Love. If we surrender our hearts nd minds to God, He can more feely move through us. It is a wondrous freedom!! Fear submits to faith and faith leads us into Love where we find joy and peace, courage and confidence. Its exciting to believe you are sent.
Does that mean awareness doesn't happen? Does that mean every conversation will be flowing and memorable, profound and life altering for you or them? No. Let go of the pressure of any outcome!
This should be BONUS TIP #4! JUST SHOW UP, willing, available, courageous and prepared to see something new because you know, He's renewing our minds and always doing a new thing! His mercies are new every single morning. He can do immeasurably more than we can ever think or imagine!
Be patient and practice!!! Focus on Love, not loss...fear what blessing you'll miss rather than what you'll mess up! His heart is for you and is near! Grace upon Grace!!! Jesus is your Guide, Way, Words, Strength, Support, Courage, Peace and very breath. Give Him your breath.
He's got you!!! Keep your eyes open for the women and Mentors He will place in your path to sharpen your iron. They will lift you through their example and affirmations, prayers. Learn from them. Humble yourself, admit where you are feeling weak and let them step into courage with you!! It's a powerful and beautiful learning and rising up to the Glory and Grace of God!!
He's Got You...They've Got You...and I've got you too! I will be hosting workshops and challenges in my Sister Group (ButGodSisterSquad.com) to help you practice these things but in your every day life, pray and practice! There are no do overs in life. LIVE IT!!!!!! A 7 Day Love Others Challenge is happening in there already!
So much anticipation & love for you!
Your Fellow Shy Introvert,
Michele
Hey - If you haven't seen my list of tons of ways you share love with others, grab it here! LoveForAll.MicheleDickerson.com
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
Authentic Connections: Trusting God, Overcoming Shyness, and Building Friendships – as an Introver
Wishing you had more friends? Feeling shy? Wishing you had more energy to have more friends? Wishing you felt like one of the cool kids too?!?
Insecurity is a thief! Shyness and insecurity robs us of joy, confidence, and the ability to have meaningful connections with others. This is especially hard when you are an Introvert, and even more so if you have dealt with anxiety. It takes real energy to put ourselves out there!
The fear of being judged, the fear of rejection and the constant comparison to others is exhausting! It leaves us paralyzed, hesitant to trust ourselves and, more importantly, hesitant to trust others. And let's get really real...when we don’t really like who we are, we assume others won’t either.
There's the bottom line of it all!! FEAR!!!
But God! We were created as a precious and important part of The Body. We need others in our life. How else will Titus 2 happen? How else will we mentor others and Go Therefore to disciple others?!? It begins with the hearts closest to you. For me, the key to making real friends and breaking free from "friendship-insecurity" was when I focused on trusting God’s heart first, to lead me to others He had prepared for me.
At the core, I think most of us who are shy or struggle with insecurity, need to look at our lack of trust—trust in ourselves, trust in others, and trust in God. When we anchor our trust in God, we build confidence and can embrace vulnerability with others. I knew I was a good friend to others...loyal and trustworthy. I just had a hard time sharing my own heart, out of fear.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Taking small, intentional steps toward vulnerability and openness feels scary but again, if we place our trust in God first, seek Him first, we can start practicing our vulnerability with Him which will help us do the same with others. The first friend you should have, after Jesus, of course, is yourself. I know that sounds weird and hard to do but it’s necessary!
I know! You don’t really like too much but that’s because you’ve listened too long to what the enemy has told you. You’re pretty cool actually and when you find your friend group, you’re gonna light up inside and feel blessed. You won’t feel the need to hide or filter your thoughts. That feels so good! Trust me!
Here are a few things to get started:
- Prayerful Reflection: Begin by seeking God. Ask for wisdom and discernment in understanding your own insecurities and how they impact your relationships.
- Scriptural Assurance: Trust God’s Word over you. Understanding that you are loved, valued, and protected. Lean into His friendship first.
- Community: Surrounding yourself with like-minded people can provide encouragement and accountability. Practice sharing your opinions and talents with a small group and allow God to expand your boundaries of friendships one person at a time.
As you begin to open up to others, here are some practical steps to develop trust with others:
- Invite God: Invite God into the relationship, whether it’s working, friends or intimate, inviting God to be part of the cord of three strands not easily broken is crucial for alignment and building trust.
- Open Communication: Share your thoughts and feelings with others, and encourage them to do the same. Transparency builds trust. Remember it should be 2 ways!
- Forgiveness: Understand none of us are perfect and misunderstandings will happen. Embrace a spirit of forgiveness, recognizing that forgiveness is a gift to yourself as much as it is to others. It allows relationships to heal and flourish.
- Celebrate Each Other's Journey: Instead of comparison, celebrate each of your unique journeys. Recognize that everyone has their own struggles and triumphs. You may be someone's answered prayer in friendship! Ever thought of that!?!
Breaking free from insecurity is a process. It's a personal development journey for sure! This all begins with trust— trusting God, trusting ourselves, and trusting others. By anchoring our relationships in the unwavering love of our Creator, we pave the way for meaningful, authentic connections.
With God as our BFF, we can overcome insecurities and experience the richness of genuine relationships.
It’s worth the time and energy to do the work necessary to open your heart! As an Introvert, you likely don’t want or need a ton of friends and that’s okay! But we do need some to do life with. Pray for those iron sharpeners whom you can trust with your heart and watch your heart overflow and wash away shyness one heart hug at a time!
I am excited to be your friend!! If you are looking for a group of other shy Sisters, meet us over in the ButGodSisterSquad.com
Big Heart Hugs,
Your New Friend,
Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
Hey Shy Introvert Sister!!! I want you to know I see you and understand you! It's so weird that while we may feel especially shy in some areas of our life, we aren't in other areas. I've been thinking about it a lot lately asking myself WHY do I feel so shy but not always...I am looking more into this "shyness" and bringing it to the Lord...As it feels right now, here are some of the fears you may have.
Do any of these sound familiar?
- Fear of Judgment:
- Worrying about how others will perceive you and fearing potential criticism or negative judgment
- Fear of Rejection:
- Concerns about being excluded, ignored, or not accepted by others
- Social Anxiety:
- Feeling anxious or uncomfortable in social situations, especially when interacting with new people or groups (this is why I love the buddy system!)
- Fear of Making Mistakes:
- Perfectionist tendencies may contribute to a fear of making mistakes or not meeting self-imposed high standards
- Fear of Failure:
- Anxiety about not succeeding or meeting expectations, leading to a fear of failure and its potential consequences when a mistake happens
- Fear of Being the Center of Attention:
- Shy introverts may feel uneasy about being in the spotlight or drawing attention to themselves
- Overthinking:
- Tendency to overanalyze situations, anticipate potential problems, and dwell on negative outcomes, which can contribute to anxiety (yep!!!!)
- Lack of Confidence:
- Low self-confidence and self-esteem can lead to fears of not being capable or competent in the new endeavor
- Fear of Unfamiliar Environments:
- Anxiety about navigating new or unfamiliar environments, interacting with new people, or dealing with unknown situations
- Fear of Being Misunderstood:
- Fear saying the wrong thing and feeling discounted; freezing/overwhlem and not being able to think straight
- Concerns about Exhaustion:
- Worrying about the potential drain on energy from social interactions or new experiences, which can be especially taxing for introverts
- Fear of Commitment:
- Apprehension about committing to something new, whether it's a project, relationship, or social event, due to concerns about not being able to perfectly handle the associated responsibilities and expectations
- Fear of Loss of Control:
- Anxiety about not having control over a situation, especially when faced with uncertainty or unpredictability
- Fear of Disapproval from Authority Figures:
- Shy introverts may fear disapproval or criticism from authority figures, such as supervisors or mentors, which can hinder their willingness to take on new challenges
While some of these things would be true for every heart centered person who genuinely cares about the things they do, being shy brings a level of misconnection when our shyness keeps us in these spaces.
When we can begin to recognize ourselves thinking and behaving this way, it's then we can begin to choose courage instead. I've learned a lot about neuroplasticity the past few years and the importance of personal development, growing in emotional intelligence and confidence.
As a Christ Follower, we are strengthened not only in walking in faith but God gave us each other, to sharpen each other's armor, carry each other's corner of the mat and walk through a split sea with!
Grab a friend and walk out this shyness by stretching your comfort zone.
One of the first things I began doing was looking up when I walked into a room and not look down at the floor. I also made the habit of saying Hi to every person my path crossed in public, church, wherever! Not only did I want to push my comfort zone, I wanted the other person to feel seen, in a good way, not in a weird way...but in the way I wish I was seen.
You are more than a conqueror and just remember, no one is asking you to be someone you're not. God gives all of us different personalities and learning styles. We each have. special role in The Body, in The World to serve and do out part. Whoever you are created to be...be HER!! Unafraid!!! Bold & Brave!! Not loud....loving!!!
Blessings,
Your Big Sister Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
In this blog post, the author discusses the topic of overcoming fear and shares her personal journey of breaking free from the fear that controlled her life. She talks about the emotional fear she experienced, such as feeling not smart enough or pretty enough, which led her to hide behind a shield and avoid conflict and rejection. However, she emphasizes that she has faith and realizes that she already has the courage within her to be brave, bold, and a leader.
The author also offers three helpful strategies to overcome fear. She encourages readers to surround themselves with a supportive sisterhood, establish boundaries to protect themselves and their comfort levels, and engage in intimate worship to find peace and surrender to God's love. She believes that God is fighting for the hearts of His children and that they can trust in His grace and walk confidently, knowing they are held by Him. The author concludes by inviting readers to watch a video she recorded on trust and surrender in the love of God and encourages them to rise up in a posture of surrender and embrace God's new mercies each day.
Read more...
Let’s talk about Overcoming fear when fear is how you see the world around you. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with fear. Well meaning friends would say things like just Let Go and Let God, It’ll be fine, There’s nothing to worry about…and yet, I feared.
In the next few blogs, we will talk about different fears, what it looks like and why you can’t just “Do it” or “Have Faith.” Instead of dismissing someone’s fears or anxious thoughts, let’s learn compassion and offer practical help in their time of need.
Honestly, the top 3 things I really needed (and I dare say we ALL need) in my life were Sisters, Boundaries and Intimate Worship. Let’s start this bloggy convo!
Physical Fear: I grew up in a school where fist fights during the lunch break were a daily thing, bullies ran the hallways, assaults in our community seemed overwhelming.
As a young girl, the fear was real and there seemed to be no escaping it. I believed it was just a matter of time before I might fall victim to the whim of evil. Watching the news was only affirmation that my concerns were valid and we lived in an unsafe and powerful world.
My soul was cornered by fear, terrified to live but happy to be alive if that even makes sense.
Over the years, I avoided people or environments that involved intense emotions, violence, loud, anger, especially where alcohol was center stage.
Making the wrong move in public, saying something negative to someone, feeling angry myself, being around large groups, being around people who were drinking, hearing people argue, watching wrestling or boxing on tv or in real life triggered me into a flight mode.
I have lived my life looking over my shoulder, always afraid of the grab. I understood Stranger Danger, it was a thing just like Smokey the Bear Fire Danger for those back in my generation. Our education for friendliness and safety, how to be kind and nice, avoid arguments and dangerous situations was learned from Sesame Street, Family Matters, Mr Rogers, along with all the Hero and Villain lessons from everything Disney.
Of course, they used to have Officers come to the schools and walk us through Stranger Danger lessons and take our fingerprints so we could have a Safe Keeping Card for our Parents to have in the case we are ever missing. Life just felt like when, not if. They told us how to kick out a tail light to send a sign to other cars you were in the trunk! my oh my.... I would agree in a very practical way that learning and practicing some self defense would have been great.
Let's just say, I have learned a lot and plan on learning and implement more of this in this area as part of my ministry work. We will be practically equipped in courage and strength, wisdom and might with Sisters, Boundaries and Intimate Worship.
This fear of the grab stayed with me well in to adulthood. I rarely left the house after sunset for fear of walking in the dark. I remember stories of men following women in to their apartments as they carried up groceries and would just push through the door with them….ugh. It was the grab in the parking lot, or your own home. No where was actually safe.
So, I bought few groceries to only make one trip up, and quickly get in and out. To this day, I am still fully aware of my surroundings while I am out getting gas or groceries, shopping and running errands, being wise, just not panicked and fear-full..
Once I had my home, pulling in to the garage and making sure no one scooted in with the car helped, but then once we are all inside, it was checking all the doors and windows throughout the day and before bed, getting out of bed one more time to make sure the front and back doors were indeed still locked.
If you have dealt with fear, you know how real this feels. If you haven’t, you are probably thinking this is crazy! Trust us, it feels crazy, but it is such a reality.
You do what you can to feel and be safe as you go. Having an alarm on the house helped. My Mom used to spend the night with me and the 4 kiddos when my Hubby travelled every month. At least that was a nice bonus to spend that extra time with her. I was able to sleep better with her there. I would meet up with friends when I could because The Buddy System is not only fun but helped me relax!
It took time, but I learned to walk in the posture of Authority. I prayed myself up and kept my head up, literally! I used to avoid eye contact and keep my head down walking around yet always hyper aware of my surroundings to see the Grabbers if they were around waiting.
If you're a Mama of littles, start now with facing the fears becuase I am here to say the fear doesn't go away as they get older. You will wish you could 5 point harness them in a stroller and keep them connected to you and wish they could simply use a diaper and not go into the Public bathrooms. Fear is the issue!
Fear IS a Liar!!!
Gracious God, the chains fear had on me finally broke off in 2009.
I had spent so much time scared to live and make myself feel safe that I never put on The Armor. I never asked my King to guard our walls. I didn’t understand how an “invisible God” could fight my tangible threats…
BUT GOD!!
Oh me of little faith...and little trust.
Friend, if this is you too, breathe. There are so many practical things, especially nowadays you can do from gadgets to apps to help protect your home, but today, I encourage you to ask God to help you be strong and confident in His Armor.
Nothing can separate you from His care and in Him, you are more than a Conqueror. He sees you and He is near. You can have sweet sleep, You can feel prepared and equipped in Him in both your flesh and your spirit. The battle really is His.
Circle your fears with Sisterhood.
Share your fears and nervousness and Buddy Up for things as you practice walking out your courage, taking thoughts captive and doing your part, allowing God to do His!
Circle your fears with Boundaries.
Set your own comfort levels to say yes or no to certain events, places, relationships. Pray yourself up and listen to the leading and protection of The Lord. The Holy Spirit is your Helper. Learn to listen to Him.
Circle your fears with Intimate Worship.
Worship means a lot of things to different people. Intimate worship deep dives all the way in to the center of us, to the protected guarded places we don’t allow anyone in to, often including God, because we struggle to trust and surrender.
Today, we choose to give God the keys to us, our home and our heart. We declare a surrender to His protection and provision knowing that nothing happens He is unaware of and with Him, we can do all things!
Can something happen to us, sure. You can grab my list here of some of the very simple and practical things I have implemented to feel confident. They seems so common sense, but it takes intentionality and that's something you must prepare and work on consistently to create new healthy habits.
This side of glory is evil, but it is also good, because He is here amongst us. He is near. He goes before us, stands behind us and fights with us! To imagine the great cloud of witnesses, to imagine angels entertained around us, to know God does exceedingly and abundantly more than we can think or imagine is peace.
Surrender is Peace.
Trust is Peace.
God is Peace.
Less of me God, More of you.
Sister, you are safe in His care and in His arms. He’s got you and you can have peace. Armor Up and don't forget the shoes of Peace.
All the love and courage,
Your Sister Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
