Mom Life is not for the faint of heart! It’s our first mission field. Living on mission is amazing, and hard work. We labor more than 9 months. There will be seasons you can’t help but wonder if what you do actually matters…it’s like my Key Lime Pies, they are tart, but sweet. While life can be good, it can also be hard. While we are loved, we can feel unloved. While everything we do is sacred, it feels sabotaging.
Am I the only Mom who has felt like a Human Vending machine?! Ever feel like a mere robot in some seasons? As if you are functioning through your days on auto-pilot? Always managing, but not truly allowing yourself to breathe deep cuz honestly, you’re just trying to get through another day working in the field.
Day by day doing just enough to get by, following the unspoken rules, trying to meet every other's expectations, getting done what must, feeding everyone else yet skipping your own meals (or eating all the cookies) then do it all again, day after day.
There is such a deception, a lull, that happens in the every day tasks or routines. It’s easy to disconnect and move out of our heart’s space when we’re focused on necessities of the every day things. We feel pulled through life instead of walking through it.
No real passion, no hope for change, no real connection, no control.
Did it mean I had lost love for my God or others? No, quite the opposite. In the giving, loving and serving, my soul dehydrated. Depleated, I was running on fumes. I eventually felt numb, and sometimes, invisible outside the doors of my home, as a woman amongst so many other amazing women doing amazing things, smiling and showing up to all the things, looking cute, polished and satisfied with life. Back in my younger Mom days, the online presence wasn't even present. So wild to consider! I can only imagine the pressure Moms feel now, and yet, if you search for authentic people, you can find them. I would like to think I am one of them.
Have you had that Twing in your being? It races and wonders what's next, what are you missing...You are pretty sure you were meant for something more, but what? To clean more toilets, be the hero stain remover? To be the object of everyone's needs without concern for your own? To keep it all together even though everything was broken around you?!
Life was monotonous and my soul had become numb.
Who grows up as a little girl thinking one day I hope to live like a human robot performing through life as SuperWoman and everyone’s Friend, while slowly loosing myself. I wanted to be Cinderella in the Castle and feel precious, valued, seen, heard, achieving and blessing everyone around me with love.
Anxiety, perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, insecurity, over-commitment, fear of judgment slowly robbed me of joy and hope. I missed innocent, trusting faith when steps were quicker, paths straighter, clinched jaws and fists relaxed, betrayal was quickly forgiven, the anxious mind was calmed, a place where all anticipation conquered all exhaustion.
Where was my hope? Where was my anticipation...
It's amazing how numb we become when we live a life from fumes, never truly refilling, and we wonder why we don’t feel seen, heard or valued. It’s because we don’t see, hear and value ourself.
I believe God created us to live a life of Anticipating Love. We were created for Life. The Bible says to rejoice in our sufferings, for out of our sufferings are produced character and hope, and hope doesn't put us to shame. (Romans 5:1-5) I felt shame for feeling hopeless because I felt I had lost me, and a Proverbs Woman of faith shouldn't feel lost or weak, right?!
When our heart becomes numb, we cannot rejoice, for we have no energy for hope, healing or restoration. Anticipation is lost. To love is to live, to live is to love. Love hopes. Hope restores our soul. Joy becomes strength which activates faith. I wanted to be renewed in Christ once again to a greater faith and a mind set on Him, but how? How do we start to feel our breath again?
If you have walked with the Lord long enough, you know He loves you enough not let you sit hopeless in the pit you either fell into or crawled into. Those twinges become nudges, and nudges lead you to His heart.
You are His Child and He made you for a divine purpose and plan. All His thought into creating you, He is not about to let you just sit there and drift off into nothingness. I believe there are warning flags, you know, those hind-sight moments you know He is flagging you down, telling you Caution! If you don't heed that flag, He will step in. Did your Mom ever say, “Just wait till your Dad comes home!” And you knew that was not gonna be fun.
These warning flags will look different for each of us, for every warning. When you feel numb, it's hard to recognize the warnings in the moment but God is patient and persistent and I do believe He sends help, we just aren’t paying attention, asking, seeking or looking for those doors He is opening for us.
He is beyond time so He knows what it will take. He will send who and what you need, for your growth and His glory. So… how do we anticipate love again? How do we regain hope and purpose and feeling again?
If you find yourself feeling numb or looking at the walls of a muddy pit, here are some of the things I have done to give you some ideas but I definitely encourage you to confide in a friend or church leader. I believe God gives you the resources and people you need for such a time as this and we just need to ask to see them….
- Boundaries....I wrote about that over here: Boundaries for Introverts
- Take a break every day to worship and do something for you. You spend all day serving others, don't forget to serve YOU! It can be as simple as taking a bath, read a new book for 30 min, call a friend the makes you smile and bonus if you set up a coffee date, even if it’s an online meet-up!
- Bless someone without it being part of your ministry/responsibility. I love anonymous and just because giving.
- Read The Word daily with anticipation to fall in love with Him deeper. Look for His heart in the Word, and not the rules.
- Worship more and worship different. Change up your prayer positions, change up your music artists. Ask your device to play Top Christian and Gospel. Learn some new songs and open your soul’s walls.
- Speak against the lies of the enemy by speaking truth. Speak the Word, Write the Word, Memorize The Word.
- Get back in touch with your hobbies and interests. You may not be able to actually reengage fully with it because of life, but find ways you can escape to it to some degree. Maybe read articles, join some Facebook Groups, follow like minded people in social media, join community groups, play groups, get the course, take a first step, etc.
- Focus on body-mind-spirit. Strengthen your weaknesses in these areas. Only you know where they are and odds are He is showing you these numb places so He can breathe life back into them, especially if it your physical health. Work on your movement, nutrition, mindset and strength. Work on what has been
- Get accountability & community. You're not stuck, unless you chose to be. Plus, it’s more fun to do things with your friends. Don't have any? Pray and ask for some!! But, also, if you need a Professional help, coach, counselor or trainer, do that!!!
Friend, It's time to ANTICIPATE LOVE. Understand better Who's you are. Start, Live and End every single day with eager anticipation. Live in gratitude. Worship with your body, in your mind and in your spirit.
When you realize how loved you truly are, how seen and heard you are, how cherished and purposed you are...His breath will become yours and you will no longer feel numb. Your life will become life for someone else. We do not struggle just for our own good. He helps us create a testimony for others that He may breath life into them.
Life is going to be hard, but God loves you through it and He will be your Rest & Refuge! He will sustain you. You are not alone. This Daily Bread, Living Water and Great Counselor, our Great I Am will energize your soul.
Today, let's ANTICIPATE LOVE together and make this world a better place for generations to come. To the Glory of God, amen amen.
"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
Colossians 3:14-17
For more like this, check this blog out: Stressed but Blessed Mamas Part 1
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Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
