Let's Talk about stepping outside of our comfort zone as a shy Christian Introvert while navigating social Interactions. I've talked about Overcoming Social Anxiety over here in this blog so feel free to hop over there afterwards if that's something you've struggled with too...
Today, lets talk about talking to anyone, anytime and how to overcome this freak out moment we feel the moments we walk into a new space and feel overwhelmed, whether it's running into a neighbor, sitting next to a stranger and trying to not make eye contact, or attending events knowing you will be meeting people since it's....an....event! LOL (The blog mentioned above will deep dive into that for ya!)
I think most Introvert women don't find it extremely hard to talk to people, because we already choose to talk to a few people at a time anyway, AND those few people are usually, OUR people. It's when we get outside of our comfortzones and have to manage the anxiety that comes with unprepared conversations!!
This used to trigger me so much I would never go to social events alone, always hiding behind my extrovert friend....and forever, not making eye contact in order to avoid being called on in a group setting, or engaging in the small talk of meeting someone. Cuz you think it makes you invisible...haha, not so! They will just yell your name louder or walk straight up to your face and start talking! It's best to look up, just saying!
I don't know what's scarier, a big group setting or a small group. In big group, you can more easily camouflage in whereas the smaller groups, they can look you in the eye and start talking to you! EEK!!! It's not that we don't LOVE the people, its the trigger of sheer panic in the unknown of what's about to happen!
What will they ask me...What will I say when they ask whatever...Will I look stupid....Will I fumble my words...Will I forget my words...Will I have a piece of salad in my teeth from the dinner... Will they ignore me, make fun of me, see my insecurities....Will they reject me and exclude me from that point on from anything qualifying me as their friend or partner, or whatever the circumstance.
Just the thought of going to a new place alone would raise the panic into the Numb-Zone or Robot-Zone. If you've had panic and anxiety, you likely know the feeling of auto-pilot, avoidance, out of body experiencing of the moment, grasping for breath and control....controlling of your thoughts zinging all around in your head, your heart rate running on a treadmill and not stepping off any time soon, all the while smiling and listening to the actual conversation happening, not the one you are thinking COULD happen, or may be happening between the words layered on the ACTUAL one....oh boy what a spastic space!
Instead of completely avoiding, numbing, or anxiety amnesia and have no clue what happened, I would love to help you find some PEACE & JOY and STOP panicking when you talk to someone. It's gonna take being intentional with your energy and focus...and practice for your heart and brain to learn where it is safe. So, lets talk about the 3 things you can do to talk to others rooted in LOVE and not FEAR! By combining practical tips with the wisdom of scriptures, any shy girl can find courage! I SURE HAVE and let me tell you....it will change every part of your life, most importantly your relationships and even more precious, your relationship with Your Heavenly Father! Ohhh, it's gooooood. I am so excited for you!!
Tip 1: Prayerful Preparation
One of key things for overcoming anxiety is preparation. Before entering any social setting, PRAY and step into Grace the won't let you go! Take a minute and consider that GOD has not only pinned this day for you, but He is also with you. He also has not only equipped you for this encounter, but He is WITH you in it too!!! When we remember the Foundation we stand on, the presence He promises, when we turn our eyes on His purposes (I talked about this in the above blog), we can step into the unknown knowing we re not alone nd there is nothing we cannot handle with Him beside us.
Don't mistake nerves for fear. It's okay to be a little nervous, it IS the unknown. It helps me lean more onto God for His help with words, energy, focus, purpose, comfort, wisdom, discernment. As I prepare, I am entering into worship of praise. Praise and Worship move the focus off of me and fretting about all I am not, and instead, focus on all GOD IS!
So, deep breath and lean into Philippians 4:6-8, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.Think on these things..." the are GOOD!
Tip 2: Listening with Love
Instead of dwelling on the fear of saying the wrong thing, or wondering what they are thinking, shift your focus to genuine listening. Proverbs 2:2-5 encourages us to "turn your ear to wisdom and apply your heart to understanding." By actively listening, you not only connect with others on a deeper level but also alleviate the pressure of constant talking.
Most people enjoy talking about themselves and I found this to be a great way to deflect from myself having to talk, and risk being judged. Sadly, while this helped me be a great listener, I became a good stuffer, hiding my own thoughts and feelings to feel safe and unseen. Learning to listen with a filter of Love means genuine exchange, giving and receiving between each one, including YOU!
Tip 3: Anticipation not Anxious
Scripture emphasizes the importance of fixing our eyes on Jesus during challenging times. Hebrews 12:2 encourages us to "fix our eyes on Jesus, the perfecter of faith." When we recognize that our racing heart and lump in our throat can come from sheer panic as well as extreme joy, as I sit in worship, sit in Love, I can reframe my brain to seek anticipation of something amazing about to connect between us. I consider what if I am being sent by God to be His hands and feet, His heart hug to this person. What a humbling thought to consider, being a vessel of hope and love to someone else in Jesus Name.
As Christ followers, this is our purpose! We bridge gaps of Heaven and Earth with Love. If we surrender our hearts nd minds to God, He can more feely move through us. It is a wondrous freedom!! Fear submits to faith and faith leads us into Love where we find joy and peace, courage and confidence. Its exciting to believe you are sent.
Does that mean awareness doesn't happen? Does that mean every conversation will be flowing and memorable, profound and life altering for you or them? No. Let go of the pressure of any outcome!
This should be BONUS TIP #4! JUST SHOW UP, willing, available, courageous and prepared to see something new because you know, He's renewing our minds and always doing a new thing! His mercies are new every single morning. He can do immeasurably more than we can ever think or imagine!
Be patient and practice!!! Focus on Love, not loss...fear what blessing you'll miss rather than what you'll mess up! His heart is for you and is near! Grace upon Grace!!! Jesus is your Guide, Way, Words, Strength, Support, Courage, Peace and very breath. Give Him your breath.
He's got you!!! Keep your eyes open for the women and Mentors He will place in your path to sharpen your iron. They will lift you through their example and affirmations, prayers. Learn from them. Humble yourself, admit where you are feeling weak and let them step into courage with you!! It's a powerful and beautiful learning and rising up to the Glory and Grace of God!!
He's Got You...They've Got You...and I've got you too! I will be hosting workshops and challenges in my Sister Group (ButGodSisterSquad.com) to help you practice these things but in your every day life, pray and practice! There are no do overs in life. LIVE IT!!!!!! A 7 Day Love Others Challenge is happening in there already!
So much anticipation & love for you!
Your Fellow Shy Introvert,
Michele
Hey - If you haven't seen my list of tons of ways you share love with others, grab it here! LoveForAll.MicheleDickerson.com
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
As an introvert, annnndd if you struggle with insecurity, doesn’t mean you have to skip out on socials and events. Let's Chat....grab your coffee...it's Sister Time.
I used to avoid going anywhere alone, especially if it was new to me, even if it was an event at my own church. I didn’t wanna show up into the unknown. Not knowing who would be there or what to expect! I missed out on a LOT of love and experiences until I learned it was a good idea to buddy up and not miss out on what could be a blessing!!
With time and healing and some awesome Sisters to be my Event Buddy, I learned to be courageous and confident enough to go out alone. ALONE! It feels embarrassing to say that because soooo many people don't even think twice about going places alone....not sure whether to blame shyness, insecurity, fear...but I blame the enemy.
I used to sit in the shame and feeling less-than-ness. Because I was feeling small in my shyness and introvertedness, I saw myself as boring and lacking. I wanted so badly to be fearless, vivacious, fun and extroverted but it wasn't me and trying to be was soooo draining and exhausted me. Knowing it would take so much energy to "keep up" I mostly chose to stay home.
Anyone else?!?
Now, all these years later, I have since hosted events, and plan to do more, mindful of people who are scared to be there just like old me! Funny how God works!!! Sure, depending on the event, I get butterflies, but it's not fear based.
Whether it's with a Friend, or by myself, I actually enjoy going out to new places, seeing new things, trying new things, walking in the anticipation God is revealing His glory to me, cuz He knows I can't help but shout out the praise and use it as an encouragement for someone else!
Some may call it a mid-life crisis when you see us over 50's stepping out and doing new things. I think it's more about mid-life crunch time...we recognize it's time to DO THE THINGS because we just sat through intermission and it's the 2nd Act and it's almost Finale time.
I don't want YOU missing out on timely appointments and enjoyments because you think you can't enjoy going! It's gonna take some time, but you can do this! If I can, YOU CAN! BUT GOD!!! This first time is an Overcoming Moment and it's gonna feel good to make it through without total anxiety. The next time you go, it's actually gonna be fun because your brain remembers the last one and you survived and thrived! From now on, you are going with chin up, eyes wide open, eager to meet God there.
The most important thing I came to realize was it wasn't always about me. Fear and insecurity keeps us focused on ourselves whereas love and blessing focuses us on others. So now, before I go anywhere, alone or with a whole group, I am praying for the Lord to lead me and give me opportunity to be a blessing there. It helps my heart and mind to stay in eager anticipation to listen and look for God's direction.
Do I still have a good time when I am focused on others? Yes. The possibility to be used by God is exciting! Now, I love going places and meeting people. I am still an introvert so, after so many people, I do need some quiet space to recharge! Experiencing events without the complete freak out overwhelm is so much fun!!! You ready?!?
Here are a few quick tips to get you going places in peace and courage:
PRAYER! Ask Him to lead you. Also, guard your energy before and during with Prayer. Deep breathes, enjoy conversations that uplift and bring you joy. Move away from the drama if you walk up on it or if you begin feeling depleated. Sometimes a little bathroom break or stepping outside for a minute helps with that fresh breath.
Look for ways to volunteer beforehand if it’s an event of any kind. Otherwise, walk around or start in the back, look for ways to help serve, greet or help others.
If you are still needing a Buddy, Get One!! Invite a buddy so attention can be deflected as needed. Be sure to let your friend know your level of anxiety or nervousness so they can step in if they see you struggle with words or energy. If I find myself with someone who talks non-stop, plus it is negative chatter, it's like someone has pulled out my battery's drain plug. I deplete quick. I also don't last long with surface conversations. I can manage for a bit if it's relative, but otherwise, I try my best to move along.
No sugars or caffeine’s that day (or few days before) that fire up your adrenals - instead camomile tea and be sure to stay onto of your vitamins. There are great supplements you can take too. Just message me.
Lavender oil is always good to have on you as well as inhaling the hour before, and during! I use diffuser bracelets too. 
Worship the Lord with every breath and count your blessings in that moment! Continually praise and say Thank you Lord for...
Stay in the moment. Look for ways to distract your mind if it becomes anxious and serve in some way. Something as simple as holding a door or saying words of affirmation over another person. Anything that turns your brain from mess to bless! Don’t miss out on life. Open up and release the fear of the unknown, fear of rejection. Trust and Faith. You only get one life, so LIVE IT!! Do not let fear steal blessings purposed from you and through you.
Sister, remember this, it's not always about YOU! Perhaps the Lord has invited YOU into this space to bless someone else, to be His hands, heart and feet to someone else. Don't miss out on those Divine Appointments and Enjoyments! Walk with eager anticipation! He's Got you!!! Trust yourself. Trust Him!
It's Time!! Let's Go in Love and Faith!!! He is able to do exceedingly more than you can imagine! And you know what else, YOU are a blessing to those you will meet too! And when you bless, you receive too! I am so proud of you already! I hope one day to cross paths with you at an event! We will have so much fun in the back row, TOGETHER but who knows, maybe we will end up on the dance floor!
Hugs, High 5's and Blessings!
Yo Big Sister Shell
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
Growing up, my physical appearance crippled me. I thought my legs were wonky, my nose was too big for my face, and my ears were too similar to Dumbo's. Everyone else was beautiful and I felt ugly. There was a point in my life I had braces and severe cystic acne. My skincare routine was as long as applying make up beginning in 5th Grade through....college.
I wish my healing journey of acceptance wasn't as long as it was but this is why I am here...to hopefully inspire others to work out these insecurities and fears now because the life God has created is abundant and beautiful.
Read more...
