Learning to Be Calm and Courageous When My Heart is Overwhelmed with Fear, Insecurity, and Anxiety

Resurrection Week, for me, not only celebrates the awestruck wonder that God resurrected my soul from the grave, first with my Salvation, but once again in April 2009, gifting me Life every single day when I thought there may be none left for me. 

Raised in the church all my life, but brought to His heart in 2009. My spirit adores, worships the very One Who gave His everything, blood poured out, setting straight the narrow path to Peace and Everlasting Life, faithfully living, giving and receiving love. 

"Filled with wonder awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your name
Jesus Your name is power, breath and living water
Such a marvelous mystery"

Revelation. One of my favorite songs of worship. It wasn't until 2009 I understood what "awestruck wonder" meant and what it felt like. 

"At the mention of Your Name Jesus, Your Name is power, breath and living water. Such a marvelous mystery!!" The Name of Jesus...the gasp of my soul.

There is a different season of refinement we will all walk through, this is the "when we face trials" part of life. For me it began with hustling for my value which led to exhaustive efforts. 

When the panic attacks flooded my body beginning in December 2008, they literally took away my breath. Sharp pains flashed through my chest and left arm, my depressed lungs held captive by the pain, my heart creating it's own tempo. My world closed in while thoughts spun around at the outer edge of my conscience. The deepest part of me was tossed to and fro.

Lifting my right hand over my heart, I desperately and slowly inhaled a deep breath, patting firmly on my chest, whispering words of worship in the weakest of voice, proclaiming to My God and my enemy Who and Where my Help was coming from, Who I trusted to save me and give me my breath back. 

Often the only words I could utter were "Be still my soul, be still." These lyrics come from a beautiful song Kari Jobe recorded. You can listen to it (click here.

With time and practice  and prayers from faithful sisters, saturating myself in The Word, my spirit grew into worshipful surrender, I learned to breathe through the random, painful contractions of my body and mind, leaning into The One Who sustained every inhale and exhale of my shallow breaths. 

My ministry is not mothering, or panic attacks, or overcoming, or perfectionism. My Ministry is not just for women. My heart’s ministry is turning people’s hearts courageously to the heart of God in peaceful grace and trust wherever they are on the shorelines..

My ministry is being authentic, a sound voice, a listening heart, problem solving in moments of confusion. Honestly, it's not always easy for me either. I think this is why most people don't talk about it, especially in the church world. We all have thorns in our flesh, we are human. With every thorn, the enemy presses in, in return, I have learned to push my praise out. 

This is why guarding your heart and mind, reading The Word, surrounding yourself with likeminded people is crucial for your peace.

God is my All in All and He can be yours too, if you believe. Because of the Cross, because of the Grave, because He rose again on the 3rd day, you have Victory in Jesus' Name! Praise the Lord!!

Here on Resurrection Week, while I reflect on my moments of Grace and Healing and Redeeming, I am reminded of the greater pain endured by my Sweet Savior. His suffering on all of our behalves.

Why would He? 
How could He? 

Love is the answer. 

I am awestruck at the Grace Breath of God Who takes away the sins of the world, redeems and heals, restores and refreshes, oh Mighty is He! He is Lord. He is Father. He is King. He is mine!! And I am His! This is the mission fuel for living life and doing ministry in His name. Jesus, Faithful Friend and Father. Amen.

Friend, no matter what you are facing today, even when there are no words falling off your lips, or thoughts to utter, may you find the strength to call upon the Name of Jesus and not be overcome by fear and shame, but rather overwhelmed in awestruck wonder at the mention of His Powerful and Mighty Name...Jesus. 

Open your hands and heart to His Healing grace and believe He is with you. He will calm your raging seas. Trust He holds your every moment. Be patient and embrace the awestruck wonder of His Mighty Name. He very much is your Breath and your Refuge in the storms and valleys and in the deepest pits. Rest in His care and inhale the wonder and majesty of Healing Grace. You are not alone. Nothing is impossible for Him. Be still and be held. 

The joy of the Lord will be your strength. In the Name of Jesus we praise in Word and worshiping song and dance, amen and amen. 

You are loved, seen and heard.

Easter Blessings because He Lives,

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!" Psalm 61:1-4 ESV

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Heart Hugs and Blessings,