When You Think YOU are the Error...This was the Mess of Me

When You Think YOU are the Error...This was the Mess of Me
Wow, it's been over 14 years....if I am being honest, that fact alone makes me both angry with myself yet so grateful to be here in this blessing of hope and healing, in the overcoming of fear, anxiety, insecurity and less-than-the-bless.

The very things I thought I would never do, I am. What I thought wasn't for me, was. I have never been so glad to be so wrong in all my life! 

Overcoming Fear of Flying : But God!

I declared I would never fly again even though I had many miles under my belt. I took that declaration back, April 2009. Flying had become my new Goliath. I was desperate for courage like David, and the audacity of Paul. I knew the enemy wanted to keep me chained to the ground but God had prepared for me to fly.

The week to take this Fear No More flight had arrived. I had planned all week to study, exercise,, cut all caffeines and sugars, and be prepared for the flight. My check list was plentiful of all I had to do to make sure the flight was a success. Yes, notice the "I."

The very first morning of "the plan," I woke up with a fever. For 3 days, I had no energy or focus...on the week I needed it the most. Anxiety swelled within me. I had planned and prepared for NO anxiety. Apparently HE had other plans.

How was going to have a successful flight? How was not going to have a full out panic attack on the plane and potentially have a heart attack? 

Finally, the day before the flight I woke up without any symptoms. Yah, weird, but so goes spiritual warfare.

I leaped outa bed knowing I had MUCH to do to catch up on with The Plan to take down Goliath...sooo much studying to make up for and prayers to pray, salads to eat and vitamins to take.

Then, I heard in my spirit, "Lay back down." I literally laughed, there was NO WAY I was going to lay back down, are you kidding me?! I had so much to do!! 

I started to get out of bed a second time. And the voice repeated, "Lay back down." Ummmm, don't think so. But I couldn't shake that maybe, just maybe it was the Holy Spirit. 

I prayed asking for discernment if this was temptation or really God? It only made sense that it was Satan not wanting me to get out of bed to work my worship. 

I prayed....waiting for something...I didn't know what I was waiting for. 

At first, I was a little huffy....tapping my spiritual foot on the floor anxiously anticipating an explanation of why I was here and not over there getting stuff done. There may have even been an eye roll as I yanked the covers back over my chest. I had no clue and honestly, I felt frustrated wasting my time laying there, waiting.

So, I finally just asked God, "Why am I supposed to do now? Why am I here when I need to be getting myself ready for tomorrow?" What do you want to say? 

After a short Holy pause, He spoke..."I won't drop you." 

It was and still remains one of the most profound moments of my life. It was more than assurance of a panic free, non-crashing, non-freaking out flight, but as a whole, God is with me, He is near, He is not going to fail me. He won't drop me. This was His Plan. He was my Way. He was My Refuge and Strength, He was my Answer. He was my Calm. HE was The Plan!

I actually laid there in a Holy Hush and realized that I had been relying on myself, and not on God. I was working in my own strength, not trusting His provision of Grace. 

I had become controlling believing my success was all up to me and my efforts and ability to break the chains. I had placed my hope and success in the fruits of my own efforts.

But God!! His grace is sufficient and patience so abundant!

So the next time you prepare for battle, armor up and line up. God stands ready to fight with you, you need not fight alone!!

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Heart Hugs and Blessings,