Wishing you had more friends? Feeling shy? Wishing you had more energy to have more friends? Wishing you felt like one of the cool kids too?!?
Insecurity is a thief! Shyness and insecurity robs us of joy, confidence, and the ability to have meaningful connections with others. This is especially hard when you are an Introvert, and even more so if you have dealt with anxiety. It takes real energy to put ourselves out there!
The fear of being judged, the fear of rejection and the constant comparison to others is exhausting! It leaves us paralyzed, hesitant to trust ourselves and, more importantly, hesitant to trust others. And let's get really real...when we don’t really like who we are, we assume others won’t either.
There's the bottom line of it all!! FEAR!!!
But God! We were created as a precious and important part of The Body. We need others in our life. How else will Titus 2 happen? How else will we mentor others and Go Therefore to disciple others?!? It begins with the hearts closest to you. For me, the key to making real friends and breaking free from "friendship-insecurity" was when I focused on trusting God’s heart first, to lead me to others He had prepared for me.
At the core, I think most of us who are shy or struggle with insecurity, need to look at our lack of trust—trust in ourselves, trust in others, and trust in God. When we anchor our trust in God, we build confidence and can embrace vulnerability with others. I knew I was a good friend to others...loyal and trustworthy. I just had a hard time sharing my own heart, out of fear.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Taking small, intentional steps toward vulnerability and openness feels scary but again, if we place our trust in God first, seek Him first, we can start practicing our vulnerability with Him which will help us do the same with others. The first friend you should have, after Jesus, of course, is yourself. I know that sounds weird and hard to do but it’s necessary!
I know! You don’t really like too much but that’s because you’ve listened too long to what the enemy has told you. You’re pretty cool actually and when you find your friend group, you’re gonna light up inside and feel blessed. You won’t feel the need to hide or filter your thoughts. That feels so good! Trust me!
Here are a few things to get started:
- Prayerful Reflection: Begin by seeking God. Ask for wisdom and discernment in understanding your own insecurities and how they impact your relationships.
- Scriptural Assurance: Trust God’s Word over you. Understanding that you are loved, valued, and protected. Lean into His friendship first.
- Community: Surrounding yourself with like-minded people can provide encouragement and accountability. Practice sharing your opinions and talents with a small group and allow God to expand your boundaries of friendships one person at a time.
As you begin to open up to others, here are some practical steps to develop trust with others:
- Invite God: Invite God into the relationship, whether it’s working, friends or intimate, inviting God to be part of the cord of three strands not easily broken is crucial for alignment and building trust.
- Open Communication: Share your thoughts and feelings with others, and encourage them to do the same. Transparency builds trust. Remember it should be 2 ways!
- Forgiveness: Understand none of us are perfect and misunderstandings will happen. Embrace a spirit of forgiveness, recognizing that forgiveness is a gift to yourself as much as it is to others. It allows relationships to heal and flourish.
- Celebrate Each Other's Journey: Instead of comparison, celebrate each of your unique journeys. Recognize that everyone has their own struggles and triumphs. You may be someone's answered prayer in friendship! Ever thought of that!?!
Breaking free from insecurity is a process. It's a personal development journey for sure! This all begins with trust— trusting God, trusting ourselves, and trusting others. By anchoring our relationships in the unwavering love of our Creator, we pave the way for meaningful, authentic connections.
With God as our BFF, we can overcome insecurities and experience the richness of genuine relationships.
It’s worth the time and energy to do the work necessary to open your heart! As an Introvert, you likely don’t want or need a ton of friends and that’s okay! But we do need some to do life with. Pray for those iron sharpeners whom you can trust with your heart and watch your heart overflow and wash away shyness one heart hug at a time!
I am excited to be your friend!! If you are looking for a group of other shy Sisters, meet us over in the ButGodSisterSquad.com
Big Heart Hugs,
Your New Friend,
Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
Let's Start out this Monday with a Confession shall we?!?!
I used to think it was a kind, humble, heroic and a Servant-Leadership quality to say YES to e v e r y t h i n g.
Whether it was for my kids, my husband, my friend, my church, my neighbor...I said Yes. People-Pleasing, yes but not in the I need their approval kind of way, rather I thought I would be exemplifying the Love of Jesus by serving and helping others if they asked.
This was a problem in 2 big ways:
1.) I burned out and found myself running on fumes trying to be everything to everyone regardless if I felt able to (or wanting to) which caused anxiety, anger, frustration, shutting down in depletion, to name a few. There were many days I felt like a Doormat. Some days I felt like a Vending Machine.
2.) I was taking someone's else's blessing of serving in their place. I was a quick Yes without praying and asking God if this was my Yes or someone else's. Which also meant that I may have missed my own Yes Blessing because I was doing theirs.
Once I crashed and burned, God sat me down for a season and said, Enough with that. I need you to meet with Me first. I AM your Yes, No, Not Yet.
This is why I am always quoting Matthew 6:33. It's so important we seek what God has prepared and planned for us. Some things may be amazing opportunities and reasons to say Yes, but if God hasn't called you to it, it will feel hard, frustrating, depleting and like you are working with weights on. You may be able to do the things, but are you supposed to be doing those things is the real question.
It's so important for so many reasons why we need to Seek Him, Ask Him, first! We can't outrun God or fall so far behind He can't bring us to the right place, but we certainly can get stuck in an unnecessary wilderness or walked needlessly the wrong way and missed out on some blessings prepared for us.
Prayerful considerations are what are stablished within learning boundaries. Boundaries for setting up the guardrail and launching pad that prayer comes first before my word is given, be it a yes or no. Boundaries for knowing where my strengths and weaknesses and allowances are.
Prayer to ask God if this is something He has set up for you. Prayer to ask God for the strength and courage to do it if you don't think you are able or qualified. Prayer to release the selfish desire to be the hero and instead step back and support the one called to so the thing. Wherever He leads, this is where I set my eyes and energy.
Of course, this I not being legalistic to ask God , My Child is sick, should I stay home with them or go shopping with a friend, Should I buy my friend a cup of coffee when we go out, Should I let someone get in line in front of me at the store because their baby is ready to go home. God gives is common sense and discernment for every day life things. Some things won't be super easy, or obvious which those are the moments we Seek Him.
Knowing we'd need Community support, encouragement and iron sharpening iron mentorships, He created us for each other to intertwine our paths. Titus 2, Proverbs 27:17...such valuable relationships (gifts) in our lives!!!!
Teaching these things to her too, my mini-me empath, generous, compassionate, people-living, God-loving Girl.
Lord, Thank You for Your loving kindness, patience and gentleness to restore, renew and return us back to You. We confess when we run ahead of You, pull us back Lord. We confess when we are stubborn or afraid and we hide behind, pull us up Lord. We need You to Lead us. Be our Guide, our Shield, our YES and AMEN!!!!
We need and love You so much, in Your Son's Merciful and Grace upon Gracious Name, amen.
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
Feeling overwhelmed? Here we are at the beginning of a brand new year and the world is shooting out the gate, but does anyone else feel like they are still putting their shoes on? No worries, I will wait for you to tie your laces....
As an Introvert who has struggled with a lifetime of anxiety and insecurity, the comparison trap is an easy one the enemy tosses out there! Do you ever feel defeated that your pace in life feels much slower than everyone else? I sure have and the overwhelm comes from the hustle to try and catch up!
This feeling of overwhelm is a result of looking too far ahead and not seeing where the energy or ability will come from. Depending on your personality and life experiences, you will feel yourself charged and ready to go, or feel frozen, stuck to your seat, unable to get up, at all. I get that! In my 50 years on this earth, I have felt both!
I lived too many years looking way out infront of me and way behind me, rarely beside me. One day God tapped me on my shoulder and said, Hey, look to your side. I saw entire teams of people lacing up their shoes too, stretching in preparation. I wasn't left behind after all.
My encouragement to you is this...take time to look beside you! Here's why:
- Your heart realizes you are not alone (even though you always have Jesus near)
- You stay present in the current moment, season, emotion, task at hand
- Preparation happens in the present
Too many of us are living lives in defeat because we have excused ourselves from the proverbial race seeing everyone strides ahead of where we are, allowing the enemy to whisper in our hearts, You won't ever catch up! And that's okay! Who said we were supposed to catch up!? Let those who have gone before you become iron sharpening mentors, a cloud of cheering witnesses in your race. And those beside you, the locking of arms to walk alongside you as lifters when you grow weary. We need Beside You Sisters.
While there is a time and place to walk in solitude just as Jesus did, you were absolutely created for community. Sisterhood is an key ingredient to a life of strength, endurance and peace. And last thing, look behind you. As you see how far you've come, be blessed knowing you are a cheering witness to those looking forward towards you!
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our affliction,
with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 ESV
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
