When You Think YOU are the Error...This was the Mess of Me

When You Think YOU are the Error...This was the Mess of Me
Wow, it's been over 14 years....if I am being honest, that fact alone makes me both angry with myself yet so grateful to be here in this blessing of hope and healing, in the overcoming of fear, anxiety, insecurity and less-than-the-bless.

I’m so HUMBLED and OVER-WHELMED IN AWESTRUCK WONDER at the GRACE and PATIENCE of my Lord every time I fly, write a blog, and pray for opportunities God would allow me to be a part of His Kingdom plan. The very things I thought I would never do, I am. What I thought wasn't for me, was. I have never been so glad to be so wrong in all my life! 

Eventhough I lived a charmed life, I also lived a chained life...chained to fear. Literally working out my faith with fear and trembling, by works and not by faith, always striving for values through perfectionism, building walls of self-protection, working out my faith muscles with works and not belief or trust because somehow along the way I thought faith resulted in my ability to prove worthy and check all the boxes. 

I did not trust and without trust, there is no surrender.

In 2008, I found the end of me but only because God made me stop and see the ledge I was about to collapse over. This was that season that changed my life, walking me through a valley of many thorns and winding roads, dark pits and painful tests but all along the way, His tiny burning bushes, His parting rivers like seas, His manna from Heaven feeding my starving soul, His Holy Spirit that led by day and in the restlessness of night, a lamp unto my feet as a LightHouse on the shore, once I trusted Him enough to lead me.

God had previously waved some “warning flags” that He needed my attention but I dismissed them believing I could keep trying harder to get it right. I felt like He was calling me in to the Principal's office and that was a place I worked so hard NOT to be. In everything I did, I worked so hard to do it in excellence and with each obstacle or perceived failure, I tried harder believing I was the error. And so the crazy cycle continued.

While my faith was tested and found pure like Job, I found my heart was not as strong as Moses or as brave David. I “stuttered,” I lacked leadership skills, I lacked faith enough to think God could use me to split seas or speak to emporors. To stand amongst other great warriors and believe I was as capable to take down Goliath as they were. To the insecurity of touching His hem in fear of rejection. Wondering would I ever have 4 corner friends willing enough to carry me on a mat to Jesus. I never doubted His love. I doubted me.

I am a Child of the Perfect God, Our Healer & Redeemer, The Way Maker!! 

People celebrate recovery anniversaries from addictions and illnesses and I do too! Twice a year, in April and December, I celebrate the Day God sat me down and said Listen and the Day He helped me be free from fear once and for all! (Even though we all know that happened at the Cross many, many years ago when His blood poured out over us and He rose, defeating death once and for all!)

Learning to listen allowed me to see His heart and seeing His heart allowed me to surrender and let go of control, fear, perfection, and CELEBRATE this grace, oh, this AMAZING Grace Life. 

Because of that surrender, because of His grace and patience, because of His mercy…My chains are GONE! 

I’ve been SET FREE!! 

My God, my Savior has ransomed me!! 

I once was blind but now I SEE!!!

His grace is sufficient for me AND for YOU! 


I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be. It took me decades to learn my value hung on the Cross with Jesus. His blood shed for me and for you exceeds any human estimation. When He conquered death, He corrected the error of debt, the mark of death, the lack of life or ability. He separates divides the truth from lies, the sheep from wolves and weeds from the flowers in the valley. He presents us with the Shield of Grace and a Belt of Truth, placing in our hand the Sword of the Spirit, strapped next to the breastplate of righteousness. Our feet follow His in peaceful assurance as we follow.

Armor Up Friend! You are protected for every battle. It's doesn't mean you will never make a mistake, be brought low or shot at with fiery darts of the enemy...it's nearly a guarantee. BUT GOD!!!! He forges the path with you and on your knees, armor on and eyes to see is how you and I live life in His perfection, provision and purpose. 

Glory to God in The Highest!! 

Friend, You are NOT the error! FEAR IS THE ERROR!!!! What do YOU need to let go of striving for and trust His Sufficient Grace for? Are YOU ready to let Him lead, defend, purpose? Are you ready to do the hard work of trusting to grow your posture inside of peace, cultivate your joy on the road that winds through thorny patches and walk with expectation of the abundance of His grace and love in Your Purpose? Know this, His heart is FOR YOU!!!! He is near and He loves you so much! 

His Word is a lamp unto your feet and He has set burning bushes, by day and by night, in unexpected places, lighting up your path along the way like swarms of fireflies on a summer night!! Don't miss them. The ground you are approaching is Holy Ground. 

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:7-10‬ ‭ESV‬

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Heart Hugs and Blessings,