At first, I thought it was possible altitude sickness or claustrophobia...
January 2008:
I struggled on one of our SCUBA dives in Belize which had a strong current that day
May 2008:
We were taking the kids to the Caverns outside Austin, Texas and half way though, I couldn't breathe in the humid air, saw one way out was through a small carved out hallway to finish the tour, the other was back up where I knew the path. Josh felt fine and finished the tour with the kids.
December 2008:
Toured the Hoover Dam in Vegas and from the moment we stepped on the crammed in like sardines elevator and into the cave below, it was overcome with not being able to breath and left the tour with some Angels unaware. A story for another time.
From that moment on, the breaths never returned to normal. A flip had been switched on inside me. It would be waves upon waves...eventually, we received the diagnosis "panic attacks."
“ME?!? NOT EVEN POSSIBLE” I thought....
Did I struggle with fear most of my life? Insecurity? Trust? Well, yes….
I am the most passive, peaceful and calm person you'll ever know. He replied, "For most people that's exactly true for them too."
This is the Silent Crisis Season where my tests created a new testimony of faith for me. It was in this season, I found God's Heart.
I just have to say, while the healing has come, PRAISE GOD ALMIGHTY, HE gets ALL THE GLORY in my story, I have not been able to consider caverns since that weekend in 2008. I didn't want to trigger something old.
I had some of the same fears about cruising and God recently broke off those chains, story for another time. I knew GRACE and trust. I knew scary surrender. BUT GOD! It was beautiful!
Last week, I found myself 164 ft below ground in Virginia Caverns. WOW WOW WOW. I did it....no, GOD did it but I trusted His hold!!
Was it hard, sure. Healing is such a funny thing. Courage is such a complex thing.
I am FLAT OUT Grateful & Humble. His grace is sufficient. Trust me, oh have I pleaded over many things, many times. I have begged for less of me and more of Him. He has been so faithful.
This is Livin' Where Faith Is.
I am thankful for this season of writing to bring me back to hard seasons so I can stand in great awe of where He has brought me. I pray HE is glorified, seen and pleased. How I pray I serve Him well. My heart is all His as His is all mine.
Friend, God Loves You.
He sees you.
He hears you.
He is near.
He knooooooowssssss.......grace upon grace.
Here's me, somewhere 164 ft deep in gratitude in the Smoky Blue Ridge Mountains.....more videos to come, and an actual blog, likely an entire book! heehee
Glory to God in the Highest!!! The Great I Am, Healer and Protector of our Hearts.
What can YOU choose to face today? This week?!? Something you want to, but have been afraid to? Another one of mine is walking bridges...another is hiking...another is heights...being interviewed...hosting an event...publishing my book...even holding a chicken! Yep, I said it!
What about YOU!?! Get your worship joy ON!!!! Let's Go!!!!!
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
I declared I would never fly again even though I had many miles under my belt. I took that declaration back, April 2009. Flying had become my new Goliath. I was desperate for courage like David, and the audacity of Paul. I knew the enemy wanted to keep me chained to the ground but God had prepared for me to fly.
The week to take this Fear No More flight had arrived. I had planned all week to study, exercise,, cut all caffeines and sugars, and be prepared for the flight. My check list was plentiful of all I had to do to make sure the flight was a success. Yes, notice the "I."
The very first morning of "the plan," I woke up with a fever. For 3 days, I had no energy or focus...on the week I needed it the most. Anxiety swelled within me. I had planned and prepared for NO anxiety. Apparently HE had other plans.
How was I going to have a successful flight? How was I not going to have a full out panic attack on the plane and potentially have a heart attack?
Finally, the day before the flight I woke up without any symptoms. Yah, weird, but so goes spiritual warfare.
I leaped outa bed knowing I had MUCH to do to catch up on with The Plan to take down Goliath...sooo much studying to make up for and prayers to pray, salads to eat and vitamins to take.
Then, I heard in my spirit, "Lay back down." I literally laughed, there was NO WAY I was going to lay back down, are you kidding me?! I had so much to do!!
I started to get out of bed a second time. And the voice repeated, "Lay back down." Ummmm, don't think so. But I couldn't shake that maybe, just maybe it was the Holy Spirit.
I prayed asking for discernment if this was temptation or really God? It only made sense that it was Satan not wanting me to get out of bed to work my worship.
I prayed....waiting for something...I didn't know what I was waiting for.
At first, I was a little huffy....tapping my spiritual foot on the floor anxiously anticipating an explanation of why I was here and not over there getting stuff done. There may have even been an eye roll as I yanked the covers back over my chest. I had no clue and honestly, I felt frustrated wasting my time laying there, waiting.
So, I finally just asked God, "Why am I supposed to do now? Why am I here when I need to be getting myself ready for tomorrow?" What do you want to say?
After a short Holy pause, He spoke..."I won't drop you."
It was and still remains one of the most profound moments of my life. It was more than assurance of a panic free, non-crashing, non-freaking out flight, but as a whole, God is with me, He is near, He is not going to fail me. He won't drop me. This was His Plan. He was my Way. He was My Refuge and Strength, He was my Answer. He was my Calm. HE was The Plan!
I actually laid there in a Holy Hush and realized that I had been relying on myself, and not on God. I was working in my own strength, not trusting His provision of Grace.
I had become controlling believing my success was all up to me and my efforts and ability to break the chains. I had placed my hope and success in the fruits of my own efforts.
But God!! His grace is sufficient and patience so abundant!
So the next time you prepare for battle, armor up and line up. God stands ready to fight with you, you need not fight alone!!
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
