I didn't used to count the stars at night, or watch the trees blow outside the window. I didn't used to pay attention to the incredible colors of a sunset or glowing moonlight across the waters or open skies. I was much too busy for that...until one day I had to.

It was a season of young Mom life, miscarriages, raising 4 kiddos, serving in the church, serving my family, taking care of my household as a Stay at Home Mama. The Lord brought a season of stillness but it wasn't the stillness I imagined or would ever have hoped for.

This stillness was the calm before the storm...then the storm came....then the rebuilding season began.

It was a hustle and a hoot to live life in my skin. I volunteered, served, lunched, exercised, wash/fold/put up laundry for 6 people, shopping, cooking, cleaning, hugging, settling, sorting, writing and Bible Study, day after day, never giving myself permission to take a break. 

I worked hard in my home with an outward smile on my face exuding from the blessing of being a Mommy even though some days I was exhausted and exasperated. This was my dream to become a Mom.

Some days I didn't even know what day it was! The flow was a constant, controlled chaos. This is the biggest part of Motherhood people don't tell you. 

I powered through the exhaustion because I knew what I had signed up for, lol! This is what it is to have 4 kids...its the calling of motherhood...it's' the contentment of being a Christian, believing I could do all things and His grace would be enough to handle all my things.

I thought everything was under control until that day my heart leaped so far out of my chest a shock wave pinged down my left arm. The deeper of a breath I drew, the deeper the pain. I felt like I could not breath.

I was a do-gooder all my life, focused intensely on being a perfect Christian Mom, Wife, Friend, Neighbor that the Name of God would be honored believing I was validated in faith as I walked by faith and joy, perseverance, integrity, self-sacrifice and commitment, with the desire to represent what a faith life serving God looked like. Only to learn many mature years later, I already had value...my value was established on the cross when Jesus died for me.

The pressure I put on myself to strive for perfection in every area of my life was a scheme of the enemy of twisted truths on how I ought to glorify God in my little address on this planet.

Satan is the father of lies and he is slick. He has been at this since the beginning of time with me not being his first victim. It took time for me to get it but I finally realized the hamster wheel I was on.

Through this storm, God allowed crushing waves and strong winds to wash away the sludge covering My Foundation, exposing the real truths about God's heart, and mine.

I could see I was a slave to perfection and fear, and these chains could be released in Jesus Name. It took some time, but they were dissolved, amen!

I learned God was more concerned about my heart than my actions, so I learned to love Him better and because of His Love and Heart for me, I could learn to better love myself and others with all the grace.

I learned how to live in a space of purposeful Grace....

Grace to give all I had, without depleting self.

Grace to serve every need within my potential.

Grace to accept the fact I was enough just as I was to be accepted and loved by Him and others.

Grace to create a space in my every day for meditation, worship, play and caring for my home.

Grace to serve from my heart, not my ability to be all and do all for the all, always!

I learned grace upon grace for every single part of my life beginning with the heart of God for me.

This fresh breath of dwelling in grace became a healing balm to my weary and wrecked soul. In my newly found space of grace, I learned to find quiet moments in the day to exhale the toxins built up within my heart and soul and no longer scramble and hustle past, Grace Himself. 

It's not like any of the responsibilities went away. I was still there, Married to the same guy, Mom to the same kids, living where I had been for years doing all the things. 

Navigating a storm and rebuilding after takes discipline and accountability. 

It took seeing the lies of the enemy, seeking truth and surrendering to hope and faith, trusting He would never let me go and sustain me, going before me, alongside means after me, my refuge and strength.

I released false expectations of what I thought I should do and be to be accepted, included and valued. 

I refused to believe God created me for a crazy cycle of chores and failures, highs and lows, busyness and living life on auto-pilot, constant hustling in order to achieve the next person's expectation of me, including the one I had placed on myself of being the "perfect" wife, friend, Mom or representation of a Perfect God when my weaknesses were the display of God's grace in which I learned to boast.

Jeremiah 29: 11-14a NIV "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity."

Day by day it became easier as my body, mind and soul did the healing work within, the release of stress and hidden anguish of a life that didn't feel valuable or important. 

The calm has power to overshadow the chaos as much as the chaos has power to overshadow the calm. It's your choice to choose. I highly recommend you choose Calm!

You will never be the same when you learn to embrace Grace. It changes you because it's no longer about you..it's about Jesus and His glory, His timing, His strength. My soul renewed day by day with a calmness and anticipation knowing He was closer than I knew He could be. He showed me His heart and I've constantly handed mine over to Him since to hold, cleanse, care for and replenish.

Lamentations 3: 17-27 NIV "I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD.” I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. 

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him;"

Our lives were not meant for chaos or cleanliness. Life and love are as messy as the Cross, blood spilled out over all the earth that day. Grace is a beautiful place of stillness in the soul. 

We are created to worship, where we are, how we are, as we are. To love Him with all our heart, mind, soul and strength (Deuteronomy 6:5). No, it's not easy to trust and praise Him in the storm. Storms are chaotic and unraveling...but there His heart is...in the unraveling of fear.

Whatever your life season, may I remind you to breath and make room for Grace in your day. If you are not intentional about seeking it and living in it, your stillness will become chaotic and it opens the door for the enemy to 

Let the Lord be that healing balm of mercy washing over your schedule, suffering and service to your God, your family, your church and community. You may be able to pound out the hours and heal all the hurts, accomplish every task asked of you, but if you do not set aside time to exchange love with The One who loves you mostest in all the world, you will find yourself gasping for air. Seek Him first and always. Sit with Him. 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 30 minutes...don't steal those minutes, guard them.

Move yourself outside and take those deep breaths. Count the stars, watch the rise or fall of the sun, see the tiny details of the petals in your yard, catch the glimmer of hope in your loved one's eye. Snuggle close, forgive the offense. Pace yourself in Grace. Smell it's fresh air, for it is Good. Because God is good and He loves you. Taste and See.

Show the world your Grace, not your gumption. Grace is a Gift everyone needs. 
Remember you can't give what you don't have. Find it and share it.
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
 in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
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Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
 
 
 

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