Wishing you had more friends? Feeling shy? Wishing you had more energy to have more friends? Wishing you felt like one of the cool kids too?!?
Insecurity is a thief! Shyness and insecurity robs us of joy, confidence, and the ability to have meaningful connections with others. This is especially hard when you are an Introvert, and even more so if you have dealt with anxiety. It takes real energy to put ourselves out there!
The fear of being judged, the fear of rejection and the constant comparison to others is exhausting! It leaves us paralyzed, hesitant to trust ourselves and, more importantly, hesitant to trust others. And let's get really real...when we don’t really like who we are, we assume others won’t either.
There's the bottom line of it all!! FEAR!!!
But God! We were created as a precious and important part of The Body. We need others in our life. How else will Titus 2 happen? How else will we mentor others and Go Therefore to disciple others?!? It begins with the hearts closest to you. For me, the key to making real friends and breaking free from "friendship-insecurity" was when I focused on trusting God’s heart first, to lead me to others He had prepared for me.
At the core, I think most of us who are shy or struggle with insecurity, need to look at our lack of trust—trust in ourselves, trust in others, and trust in God. When we anchor our trust in God, we build confidence and can embrace vulnerability with others. I knew I was a good friend to others...loyal and trustworthy. I just had a hard time sharing my own heart, out of fear.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Taking small, intentional steps toward vulnerability and openness feels scary but again, if we place our trust in God first, seek Him first, we can start practicing our vulnerability with Him which will help us do the same with others. The first friend you should have, after Jesus, of course, is yourself. I know that sounds weird and hard to do but it’s necessary!
I know! You don’t really like too much but that’s because you’ve listened too long to what the enemy has told you. You’re pretty cool actually and when you find your friend group, you’re gonna light up inside and feel blessed. You won’t feel the need to hide or filter your thoughts. That feels so good! Trust me!
Here are a few things to get started:
- Prayerful Reflection: Begin by seeking God. Ask for wisdom and discernment in understanding your own insecurities and how they impact your relationships.
- Scriptural Assurance: Trust God’s Word over you. Understanding that you are loved, valued, and protected. Lean into His friendship first.
- Community: Surrounding yourself with like-minded people can provide encouragement and accountability. Practice sharing your opinions and talents with a small group and allow God to expand your boundaries of friendships one person at a time.
As you begin to open up to others, here are some practical steps to develop trust with others:
- Invite God: Invite God into the relationship, whether it’s working, friends or intimate, inviting God to be part of the cord of three strands not easily broken is crucial for alignment and building trust.
- Open Communication: Share your thoughts and feelings with others, and encourage them to do the same. Transparency builds trust. Remember it should be 2 ways!
- Forgiveness: Understand none of us are perfect and misunderstandings will happen. Embrace a spirit of forgiveness, recognizing that forgiveness is a gift to yourself as much as it is to others. It allows relationships to heal and flourish.
- Celebrate Each Other's Journey: Instead of comparison, celebrate each of your unique journeys. Recognize that everyone has their own struggles and triumphs. You may be someone's answered prayer in friendship! Ever thought of that!?!
Breaking free from insecurity is a process. It's a personal development journey for sure! This all begins with trust— trusting God, trusting ourselves, and trusting others. By anchoring our relationships in the unwavering love of our Creator, we pave the way for meaningful, authentic connections.
With God as our BFF, we can overcome insecurities and experience the richness of genuine relationships.
It’s worth the time and energy to do the work necessary to open your heart! As an Introvert, you likely don’t want or need a ton of friends and that’s okay! But we do need some to do life with. Pray for those iron sharpeners whom you can trust with your heart and watch your heart overflow and wash away shyness one heart hug at a time!
I am excited to be your friend!! If you are looking for a group of other shy Sisters, meet us over in the ButGodSisterSquad.com
Big Heart Hugs,
Your New Friend,
Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
Hey Shy Introvert Sister!!! I want you to know I see you and understand you! It's so weird that while we may feel especially shy in some areas of our life, we aren't in other areas. I've been thinking about it a lot lately asking myself WHY do I feel so shy but not always...I am looking more into this "shyness" and bringing it to the Lord...As it feels right now, here are some of the fears you may have.
Do any of these sound familiar?
- Fear of Judgment:
- Worrying about how others will perceive you and fearing potential criticism or negative judgment
- Fear of Rejection:
- Concerns about being excluded, ignored, or not accepted by others
- Social Anxiety:
- Feeling anxious or uncomfortable in social situations, especially when interacting with new people or groups (this is why I love the buddy system!)
- Fear of Making Mistakes:
- Perfectionist tendencies may contribute to a fear of making mistakes or not meeting self-imposed high standards
- Fear of Failure:
- Anxiety about not succeeding or meeting expectations, leading to a fear of failure and its potential consequences when a mistake happens
- Fear of Being the Center of Attention:
- Shy introverts may feel uneasy about being in the spotlight or drawing attention to themselves
- Overthinking:
- Tendency to overanalyze situations, anticipate potential problems, and dwell on negative outcomes, which can contribute to anxiety (yep!!!!)
- Lack of Confidence:
- Low self-confidence and self-esteem can lead to fears of not being capable or competent in the new endeavor
- Fear of Unfamiliar Environments:
- Anxiety about navigating new or unfamiliar environments, interacting with new people, or dealing with unknown situations
- Fear of Being Misunderstood:
- Fear saying the wrong thing and feeling discounted; freezing/overwhlem and not being able to think straight
- Concerns about Exhaustion:
- Worrying about the potential drain on energy from social interactions or new experiences, which can be especially taxing for introverts
- Fear of Commitment:
- Apprehension about committing to something new, whether it's a project, relationship, or social event, due to concerns about not being able to perfectly handle the associated responsibilities and expectations
- Fear of Loss of Control:
- Anxiety about not having control over a situation, especially when faced with uncertainty or unpredictability
- Fear of Disapproval from Authority Figures:
- Shy introverts may fear disapproval or criticism from authority figures, such as supervisors or mentors, which can hinder their willingness to take on new challenges
While some of these things would be true for every heart centered person who genuinely cares about the things they do, being shy brings a level of misconnection when our shyness keeps us in these spaces.
When we can begin to recognize ourselves thinking and behaving this way, it's then we can begin to choose courage instead. I've learned a lot about neuroplasticity the past few years and the importance of personal development, growing in emotional intelligence and confidence.
As a Christ Follower, we are strengthened not only in walking in faith but God gave us each other, to sharpen each other's armor, carry each other's corner of the mat and walk through a split sea with!
Grab a friend and walk out this shyness by stretching your comfort zone.
One of the first things I began doing was looking up when I walked into a room and not look down at the floor. I also made the habit of saying Hi to every person my path crossed in public, church, wherever! Not only did I want to push my comfort zone, I wanted the other person to feel seen, in a good way, not in a weird way...but in the way I wish I was seen.
You are more than a conqueror and just remember, no one is asking you to be someone you're not. God gives all of us different personalities and learning styles. We each have. special role in The Body, in The World to serve and do out part. Whoever you are created to be...be HER!! Unafraid!!! Bold & Brave!! Not loud....loving!!!
Blessings,
Your Big Sister Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
Have you seen the movie Runaway Bride? Ohhhh how this movie spoke to me back in the day to help me see myself and take action on finding me. I grew up for lack of a better term people-pleasing but I didn't see it in that light. My heart's motive was fitting in, more than seeking approval or acceptance. I was one to automatically discount myself so being qualified wasn't even an option really. I just didn't want to draw attention to myself.
For most of my life, I lived genuine to myself, I genuinely lived who I thought I needed to be. What I have learned is discovering your spiritual gifts is a personal and ongoing journey and it begins with realizing you have them too, just like everyone else and they are to be shared with others. It is not prideful (unless that's your heart) to acknowledge them and share them...we were created as part of a whole...they are necessary to acknowledge, develop and share!!
And here's the things, your "gift" will look different than the same "gift" with another. In all of our uniqueness, God didn't set out Gifts in a Box and pass them out when we were born. We each have a unique, one of a kind gift! When I finally let that sink in, it unlocked a lot of freedom in my heart!
Here are some steps to help you identify and understand your spiritual gifts:
- Prayer: Matthew 6:33! Begin by seeking God's design and blessing of who He created and equipped you to be. Ask Him to reveal your spiritual gifts and to provide you with wisdom and discernment as you explore your strengths and abilities. It's tempting to go to the Googles, but let's search God before Google!
- Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your interests, passions, and the activities that bring you joy. Consider moments when you felt a deep sense of fulfillment or when you made a positive impact on others. These can be indicators of your spiritual gifts.
- Spiritual Gift Assessments: Use tools and assessments designed to help identify spiritual gifts. Many churches offer resources or classes that guide individuals through the process of discovering their gifts. Online assessments are also available, although they should be viewed as a starting point rather than a definitive answer.
- Seek Feedback: Ask friends, family, and fellow believers for their observations. Sometimes, others can see strengths and gifts in us that we might not recognize in ourselves. Pay attention to the ways people ask you for advice or help.
- Study God's Word: Explore relevant Bible passages that discuss spiritual gifts, such as Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12-14, and Ephesians 4. Understanding the biblical teachings on spiritual gifts can provide insight into your part of the Whole and help you courageously step into them without fearing being something your not!
- Experiment: Be open to trying new things within the church or community. Volunteer for different roles, participate in various ministries, and see where you feel most connected and effective.
- Evaluate Results: Pay attention to the outcomes and affirmations. If you find joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose in a particular area, it may be an indication of a spiritual gift at work. take it to God and ask Him to help you grow!
- Be Patient: Discovering your spiritual gifts is a process that takes time. Be patient and allow the Holy Spirit to work in your life. Your understanding of your gifts evolve over time.
- Volunteer: Engage with your church community and participate in group activities. Sometimes, working alongside others can help you discover how your gifts complement theirs, helping you see the part you are as part of the whole.
- Mentorship: Seek guidance from mentors or spiritual leaders who can provide insights and share their own experiences in discovering and using spiritual gifts.
Remember, discovering your spiritual gifts is not a one-time event but an ongoing process of walking out, refining and learning to use the gifts and talents has given to you! Stay connected to God through prayer and study, and surrender to the ways He may be leading you to use your gifts for HIS glory, your blessing and the blessing of others.
You are fearfully, beautifully and wonderfully made Sister Friend! Never discount Who You are!!!!
Hugs & love,
Michele
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
In this blog post, the author discusses the challenges of being a stay-at-home mom and feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities of motherhood. The author shares her own experiences and encourages moms to involve their families in their daily routines, highlighting the importance of setting a plan and showing grace to oneself. The author also invites readers to join her online community, where she offers support and resources for introverted women and mothers. Ultimately, the post reminds moms that they can regain control of their day with the support of God and others.
Read more...
The month of Love. For some, it's a blissful month of chocolates, cuddles, oodling, dating, intimate moments, extravagance and flowers while others feel heartache, loss, jealousy and loneliness.
We were created with a need for True Love. We spend our days searching to fill that space, trying so many different things, and will until you find Love Who Fills.
The media is so good at showing us ways to fill this need. Eventhough Love Himself fills and holds my whole heart, blessing me with a Man to share life and love with for over 30 Valentines, I catch myself oodling at the beautiful diamonds and romantic getaways on all the commercials.
In my every day life, I am simple. I enjoy a coffee on the couch in pjs, simple gifts, simple meals, simple outings, a simple way of life. I am not a glam girl. Do I love pretty things? Beautiful clothes? Nails and hair done? Nice food out? Luxurious spas? Sure! But I don't need them or chase them.
A few years ago, I decided to start hosting a Sweet Love night at my home. I was so nervous because I hadn't ever hosted a party for friends before, an Introvert, yes, but also...fear of rejection. There it is. What if no one came? What if I was boring? What if they thought it was stupid?
But God! I dumped the lies and pursued True Love and did it anyway. I invited a group of women from my church over, in the Name of Love. In the room were woman who had recently lost their spouses, who were struggling to feel loved in their marriages, some who were too exhausted to experience love - Sisterly or Intimately.
These were soul satisfying nights of introducing these Sisters in Christ to each other, sharing stories of hope and love, and for those who don't know me yet or been to one of my events...yes, we enjoyed some serious coffee & chocolates!
As much as we need to embrace Love, some of us need to break up with false idols who keep us from receiving and giving love.
Today, what do you need to dump in order to have True Love?
Insecurity?
Fear?
Anxiety?
Control?
Addiction?
Perfectionism?
Feelings of lack, envy, hate, jealousy, greed, addictions, pride, immorality?
Lust?
Now that you have broken up, let's pray for Love's return and filling. Ask for blessings of Grace and deep soul satisfying wholeness. Open your heart to receive again.
Whatever barriers have been placed around your heart, will you allow Jesus to be the new Gate Keeper? Will you trust, let go of control and surrender to Love?
May it be so.
I pray this month brings you such deep joy as you remember the Love The Creator, Your Father, the Great I Am has for you. His Love is unconditional and of the purest kind that no human on this earth, no matter how wonderful they are, can match.
He is the Ultimate Lover of Your Soul.
You can trust Him.
He's got you in His heart.
Will you allow Him in yours?
If today's encouragement hugged your HEART today, let me know in the comments or meet me over
in my Facebook Sisterhood Community! Feel free to share this blog with a friend who needs a heart hug too!
This is how YOU get to hug my HEART back!
Heart Hugs and Blessings,
Michele
