The Introvert's Friendship Journey
Ohhhh, each section could (and probably should) be it's own blog but here we goooo...
The older you get, the harder it feels. When I was younger, making friends and being in community was easier as a Mom with littles. Playgroups and kids' extracurriculars brought us into natural community. The older the kids got, the less engaged I found myself with other Moms. The sisterhood that once felt automatic began to feel harder to maintain.
If this resonates with you, you're not alone. Many introverts struggle with adult friendships, especially introverts in menopause. Yes, they do require energy...thing is, some take more energy from you which is a red flag...yet there are ones who energize you which are green flags! But here's what I've been learning: how we approach relationships matters...
The Scarcity Mindset in Friendship
In the business world, scarcity mindset means settling for less than the best because you believe there's not enough to go around. We can do the same thing in our relationships.
I used to believe friendship meant loyalty at all costs. Hold on. Work harder. Try to fix it. Try to be more understanding. And when it felt hard, I took the blame and assumed I was the problem because the friendship had to be kept even when keeping it felt suffocating. When you only have a few close friends, the thought of loosing one is awful.
Insecurity works like that inside an anxious heart. We shrink ourselves. We question our worth. We constantly explain ourselves. All because we fear there aren't enough good friendships out there for us, or that we are enough. And because we must be the problem...we hustle to sustain.
But maturity...aka:wisdom...teaches us something different.
What Healthy Friendships Actually Look Like
There is a season for everything. Healthy friendships come and go in their due season. Some seasons are lifetime; others are a one-and-done harvest. Scarcity says to make it last even in drought, even if it's dying. But abundance in healthy sisterhood will not require you to shrink your heart, question your worth, or constantly explain yourself.
Healthy friendships are sustaining, not suffocating. They feel like playfulness laced with peace, not pettiness or pressure.
They look like:
- Mutual encouragement leading each other toward Christ and spiritual growth, not just ("just" being the key word here) fluffy surface-level connection cuz you are gonna have some fun and ridiculously unimportant conversations
- Doing real life in love, always with her heart held gently, and firmly in hand
- Space to learn, practice, grow, and become who God is calling you each to be. We learn to be good friends and learning takes humility, trust and time
- Celebrating each other's wins without comparison or jealousy, ministering alongside, not absent from
You can breathe in friendships like that.
Scripture offers a beautiful image of healthy relationships: "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17)
Aligned, equally-yoked friendships inspire Godly growth, just like a plant grows when nourished and cared for. They encourage courage through the sharpening and belief in the personhood of who she is. They hydrate us with Living Water in dry lands, reaching out a hand when the world has knocked us down and holding up our arms when we grow weary.
Instead of leaving us feeling smaller, these relationships help us become stronger. A woman who feels confident, supported and stronger fulfills her God-given authority and calling with more zeal and fortitude.
Friendship Warning Flags: When It's Time to GO
God also allows us to experience friendships that reveal what isn't aligned. Sometimes paths just become separate paths. Over time, you may notice these warning flags:
- Feeling drained after every interaction
- Walking on eggshells to keep the peace
- Your successes being met with silence instead of celebration
- Misunderstandings where there should be clear communication
- Constantly questioning your worth or second-guessing yourself
- Feeling like you must shrink to make her comfortable
These moments are invitations for discernment and releasing. Abundance in healthy friendships will sharpen you, raise you UP, and NOT feel like a weight you must carry. Does that mean we aren't sharing each other's burdens along the way?!? No, this is not that. We will most certain give each other piggy back rides along the way...but we are not carrying them the whole way.
The Precious Few: Building Your Community
The right friendships inspire you, ignite something within you. They challenge you in love. They remind you who you are when life tries to make you forget. When storms thunder, they grab an umbrella for you too. When the salad gets stuck in your front tooth, when your hair is a nest, when your chin hair is catching the light, when the boogie is hanging....they lend a hand (or a tissue).
The most beautiful kind of friendship is this: abundance. As women who love God, prays without prompt, celebrates growth, and walks beside you as you both keep becoming. It's Sisters stepping into the day held by God, alongside. God is the glue.
Those friendships are a precious few. Even Jesus spent His most private moments with a small circle of 12, even just 3. Quality over quantity. Depth over breadth.
As introvert sisters navigating life (especially in menopause) annnnnd with a history of anxiety, insecurity....your desire for genuine sisterhood is Godly, It is worth the time and energy when God is the Center of it all. We don't need more friendships. We need aligned friendships. We need community that feels like home, not a hustle.
So here's my invitation to you: Release the scarcity mindset. Let go of friendships that require you to shrink and open your heart to the abundant, sustaining, life-giving community God has waiting for you.
Your people are out there. And they're worth the wait. I have a community for you. Maybe your new bestie is in there. Let me know if you want the link.
0 Comments